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blaine23

  1. Fax machines are great. People love when you beg for help and you get peace of mind knowing there's a 20% chance something went through. about 11 hours ago from web
  2. Two months of taking a break from Twitter has filled my Birdhouse with kneeslappers like "Joyce DeWitt's hair is helmety." 9:30 AM Jan 5th from web
  3. @CS2Josh I can only assume you've tried "sexceptional." 9:24 AM Jan 5th from web in reply to CS2Josh
  4. No longer hiding behind that beard I'd been growing since Labor Day. Now I can disgust people with my unadorned freakishly baby-like face. 12:44 PM Jan 4th from web
  5. @sloganeerist I smell burning Donder. 7:06 PM Dec 24th, 2009 from Tweetie in reply to sloganeerist
  6. The trickiest part of Christmas is convincing my kid that all this stripper glitter in my hair came from dusting Santa's workshop. 7:05 PM Dec 24th, 2009 from Tweetie
  7. I'm watching a doc called My Car is My Lover on BBC America. Someone remind me why we think British people are sophisticated. 1:51 PM Dec 12th, 2009 from Tweetie
  8. My dog apparently needs to have his anal glands expressed. I was unaware that we'd been holding him back from acheiving a dream. 4:58 PM Dec 10th, 2009 from Tweetie
  9. My wife just got her $22 check for jury duty. We're still arguing over which class of yacht best fits our recreational needs. 12:50 PM Dec 9th, 2009 from web
  10. The most Australian thing about Outback Steakhouse is the way their food just boomeranged out of me and into the toilet this morning. G'day. 7:23 AM Dec 9th, 2009 from web
  11. In our nation's darkest hour. When confused voices cry out for justice. When we need it the most. That's when the McRib knows to come back. 12:45 PM Dec 8th, 2009 from web
  12. Burlesque shows are life's way of showing us that hipsters can even ruin the concept of seeing naked boobs. 2:14 PM Dec 4th, 2009 from web
  13. @angryczeck It was purely visual. I had googly-eyes stuck to my balls while I typed that. 2:13 PM Dec 4th, 2009 from web in reply to angryczeck
  14. Local pals. Catch me and my band WatchPaper rocking it around 9PM tonight at Otherlands on Cooper. http://bit.ly/4VCXGJ 2:09 PM Dec 4th, 2009 from web
  15. You've been dieting too long when you speculate which Jonas brother tastes best once braised in a Dutch oven. Or cooked sous vide. Mmm. Joe. 1:15 PM Dec 1st, 2009 from Tweetie
  16. I need to run up to Whole Foods. Hopefully it hasn't been burned down by angry vegans looking for Ginkgo Boloba doorbusters. 11:31 AM Nov 27th, 2009 from Tweetie
  17. All these Black Friday emails I get would be a lot cooler if they were about an impending revolution. Or a plague. 7:57 AM Nov 24th, 2009 from web
  18. It's probably best that none of you are around to hear me yell "Accio Jammypants!" 6:02 PM Nov 22nd, 2009 from Tweetie
  19. Just how boring is a museum dedicated to cotton trading? I just heard a kid say, "Let's have some fun. Let's go ride the elevator." 9:26 AM Nov 20th, 2009 from web
  20. Yeah, I've got a tattoo. A tattoo of some badass tumbling dice. Okay, some badass 8-sided Dungeons & Dragons dice. Ladies? 8:17 AM Nov 19th, 2009 from web