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bestgirlbetty

  1. The moral of my cautionary tale: if you write a tweet at 9am about your coworker getting sucked down the toilet, the day will poop on you. about 1 hour ago from UberTwitter
  2. @xytrex happy happy birthday! :) about 5 hours ago from UberTwitter
  3. Hey peaches, here's a new BGB post on being good to your peachy self. http://tiny.cc/XGKOF thanks for reading! xo, betty about 6 hours ago from UberTwitter
  4. How powerful a force is needed to completely suck your coworker down the toilet during his shit break? Asking for my heartsong. about 8 hours ago from UberTwitter
  5. I like to think of morning sex as a very warm, extra friendly good morning hug. about 11 hours ago from web
  6. @Brain_Wash the first rule of White Club is, we can't take a fucking joke. about 17 hours ago from UberTwitter in reply to Brain_Wash
  7. @cravenheart get on it? hubba hubba indeed. about 17 hours ago from UberTwitter in reply to cravenheart
  8. When provoked, women will say "fuck you, asshole" in a foreign tongue, having never spoken the language before. Because we're brilliant. about 18 hours ago from web
  9. @wood big hugs to you, wishing you all well. xo about 18 hours ago from web in reply to wood
  10. I hope you read @CousinBrandon's "Versus" so I don't have to hurt you. Fab. 1: http://tinyurl.com/y8sds3y and 2: http://tinyurl.com/yavdtak about 18 hours ago from web
  11. My phone takes so painfully long to star you, I could walk them to you faster. So, ready the house for my arrival. I prefer 2 pillows. about 20 hours ago from UberTwitter
  12. When my cats are so hungry they begin hunting mice in my basement, I think they'll learn to start commenting on how great my hair looks. about 21 hours ago from web
  13. I once cried when I had no shoes, until I saw a man who tended a herd of virtual sheep on Facebook that had no feet. about 22 hours ago from web
  14. A "his and hers" written to make you laugh, so read it, you dumb fu.... Wait. Too bitter. New post with an ass shot. http://tiny.cc/XGKOF about 23 hours ago from web
  15. @hacopianhere *swoon* 1:05 PM Dec 14th from UberTwitter in reply to hacopianhere
  16. RT @CousinBrandon: Brand new series: "The 12 Days of Pissed Miss: 'Helliday' Cheer." http://wp.me/pBR8o-ee Day 12, Bitches! 12:59 PM Dec 14th from UberTwitter
  17. Our work internet is so blocked, I can't even access pictures of Monopoly. Which sucks, 'cause I've got it bad for that little silver dog. 12:27 PM Dec 14th from UberTwitter
  18. "Yellow is to banana as moon is to tomato." That, Officer, is why I'm intoxicated. 12:07 PM Dec 14th from UberTwitter
  19. I liken my egotistical coworkers to Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloons, but ones you want to throw pie at and shoot with BB guns. 9:32 AM Dec 14th from UberTwitter
  20. my Christmas ideas aren't anything you don't already know. they only exist to give you something to read at work. http://tiny.cc/XGKOF 7:15 AM Dec 14th from UberTwitter