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beersuds

  1. Airport security made me drink some of my pop. Is a guy who's about to blow himself up really worried about drinking a little nitroglycerin?
  2. All religion aside, I’m just glad Rifqa Bary can enjoy bacon now…
  3. @vampisaurus I think you're very funny.... just sayin'...
  4. Beersuds used the word Fuck in his tweet <----- Right there...
  5. Changing my profile to list location as: On top of your Mom…
  6. Attention: There are 5 words you’re no longer allowed to use in a DM to me. Have fun figuring out what they are on your own… :-)
  7. Shouldn’t all ghosts be naked?? It’s not like your clothes die too…
  8. The Favstar servers are about as dependable as an alcoholic parent…
  9. Just once I’d like to see the Cash Cab kick losers out in the middle of Harlem…
  10. I screwed a bulb into the dog’s left nostril but couldn’t fit a battery into his right one. Project Rudolph the Red Nosed Terrier is a bust.
  11. Being married, I usually have to wait for big days like Christmas to get a BJ. I’m lucky I found a hooker willing to work on holidays.
  12. Watching the Jackson Family Reality Show makes me wish I had a world famous brother who died under mysterious circumstances…
  13. A TV documentary showed a death certificate that listed Cirrhosis as the cause of death… which reminded me that I have beer in the fridge…
  14. I’m sending everyone I know who has a problem with cold-sores mistletoe sprigs as an early Christmas present…
  15. I guess that all you can eat Chinese buffet gift certificate I sent her for Christmas won’t be used now… #ripbrittanymurphy
  16. Just saw Avatar... I hate you humans...
  17. If I were Rudolph I’d be happy that all the reindeer who use to break my balls had to now stare at my ass while working Christmas Eve…
  18. As a matter of fact Dead or Alive, I am lots of fun...
  19. I’m in the bathroom and out of TP. Related: They should put those decorative bathroom towels behind glass you break in case of an emergency.
  20. OK. I've figured out that 2 of you traveled forward in time, read my jokes, traveled back in time & then posted similar jokes. How DARE you!