beelzebebe
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Eating an entire pack of gum, paper and all, makes for minty diapers. And don't think I'm talking out my ass. I know this for a fact, jack.
1:04 PM Mar 24th
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Wow I am beat! I think I'll change into a clean diaper and put myself to bed.
6:45 PM Mar 18th
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Nobody puts baby in the corner.
1:01 PM Feb 20th
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@ Listen, we both have issues with purple fermented fruit. I just choose to ignore yours. Now pass that bottle.
9:17 AM Feb 17th
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in reply to leftthehouse
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@ You think that's something? Wait til I sneeze milk and goldfish cracker slurry right in your face. You haven't LIVED.
11:08 AM Feb 4th
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in reply to jonathaneunice
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How many baby wipes can I pull out of the dispenser in 10 seconds? 10?!
TEN?
WRONG!
142.
10:20 AM Feb 4th
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I've reached the pouring Diet Coke on white furniture milestone. Mom is so happy she's crying.
11:53 AM Dec 29th, 2008
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Mom tried to name me Adolf Hitler. I told her you can't "star" babies and if she was going for a meme name, I'd much prefer AS USALLY
12:27 PM Dec 17th, 2008
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Grunting, glazed eyes, frozen in place. Why yes I am pooping, actually. If we were playing poop charades you'd have totally won that one.
4:09 PM Dec 10th, 2008
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Searching for just the perfect Christmas card? So is my mom, when I made these awesome ones already.
9:01 AM Dec 2nd, 2008
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The best part about being a baby? I can pretend I "don't understand" you when you call me. That, and not having to wipe my own butt.
3:05 PM Nov 24th, 2008
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I refuse to be _babyworn_ by that woman. She buys OFF THE RACK for God's sake. Doesn't she know I'm the Birkin of babies?
12:04 PM Nov 17th, 2008
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Is there anything more rewarding than pooping in a freshly-changed diaper, especially the last diaper in the house? Yeah, GLWT mom.
11:29 AM Nov 7th, 2008
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I was told by my attorneys that I can't talk about what happened right now. Plz respect my privacy. Thnx.
10:15 AM Nov 3rd, 2008
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Dad has some cockamamie scheme that involves disguising ourselves, carrying a pillowcase around, and demanding candy. Alzheimer alert!
7:27 AM Oct 31st, 2008
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I'm so tired of hearing you old people bitch about the economy. Here's my recovery strategy:
12:33 PM Oct 24th, 2008
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Pro Tip: It takes 2 flushes to make car keys go down, but diamond earrings only need 1! You're welcome.
6:17 PM Oct 23rd, 2008
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Woman, there had better be a Yo Gabba Gabba lined up for me on the Tivo or I'll cut you.
2:40 PM Oct 20th, 2008
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I'm giving organic rice cereal a big thumbs down. But I did find a half-eaten Pop-Tart in the trash. Who throws away perfectly good Tart?!
8:54 AM Oct 17th, 2008
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@ Father, it's quite obvious he's speaking Douchanese. You'll need 2 bluetooths and 3 martinis to translate that shit.
10:31 AM Oct 15th, 2008
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in reply to leftthehouse
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- Name beelzebebe
- Location your good furniture
- Web http://beelzebebe...
- Bio Blogging is for babies. Held captive by @mayjah and @leftbrainstupid, HALP!
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