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bdurbin
If it isn't already in use, I offer "shat the onesie" for addition to the Secret Service code book: "POTUS shat the onesie, we're leaving."10:43 AM Nov 22ndfrom Twitterrific
Can't believe this is the first sitz bath luncheon I've attended. Nothing says community like folks getting together to soak parts.12:20 PM Nov 20thfrom Twitterrific
Now _that_ was a rousing five minute rendition of the four words I know from "Beer Barrel Polka".11:37 AM Oct 7thfrom Twitterrific
Working on a homebrew medical power of attorney. First draft:
"I, the Undersigned DON'T KILL ME!".10:03 AM Sep 17thfrom Twitterrific
Draft chapter titles for the eventual memoir: "Chubby and Reeking of Smokehouse Almonds" and "Still Reeking of Smokehouse Almonds"10:01 AM Sep 3rdfrom Twitterrific
God, please grant me the clarity and strength to look smokin' hot while driving my car.2:09 PM Sep 1stfrom Twitterrific
Career coach says "and sexy balloon animals" is where recruiters are moving on to the next resume. But who wants un-sexy balloon animals?9:17 AM Aug 28thfrom Twitterrific
People just don't show up at your house demanding rum like they used to. And by people I mean pirates.8:10 AM Aug 26thfrom Twitterrific
I now comply with the limits for a Class B computing device pursuant to Part 15/Subpart J of FCC Rules. Cross that one off the bucket list.11:06 AM Aug 24thfrom Twitterrific
Still suffering pain related to pelvic floor injuries from high school choir. Kids: choose your sports carefully.9:25 AM Jul 24thfrom Twitterrific
Figured out how to grow cats hydroponically. Franchise opportunities available.9:06 AM Jun 25thfrom Twitterrific
Dreamt that I was combing a wavy and luxurious mullet. Dream interpretation book says that means I need to eat more unicorn.10:50 AM Jun 14thfrom Twitterrific