Balut
- @Reba723 I know, ma'am.about 7 hours ago from web in reply to Reba723
- Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia.
I can go back to bed now that I looked up the medical term for ice cream headache.about 8 hours ago from web
- I like talking to Southerners. Why can't we have colorful idioms here?
Related: It's hotter than a blistered pussy in a pepper patch.about 9 hours ago from web
- Cruel prank: when someone finishes unloading the moving van, tell them how shaken up everyone was by the suicide of the previous tenant.about 10 hours ago from web
- If you think Portland is weird, look at its suburbs. To wit: a Farmers Market in the parking lot of a funeral home.about 15 hours ago from web
- Every time I block a presumed porn bot chick I second-guess myself. What if she's real and sincere?about 16 hours ago from web
- It's against the law to flash, but OK to cast a dildo from your own cock, sell it on consignment at the sex toy store, & watch people shop.about 16 hours ago from web
- I'm the same old me, but for some reason they don't swipe my twenties with the anti-counterfeit pen as often.about 16 hours ago from web
- "Ma'am, I see you got on the hood with the eye slit today. Just so you know, feminine hygiene products are on aisle 8."
STOCK CLERK FAILabout 17 hours ago from web
- @kfedup You tweeted about the bug before you removed it from your bra???about 19 hours ago from web in reply to kfedup
- @srslainey I'm gonna keep my toothbrush on my person from now on. Too many of y'all have copped to dirty dipping lately.about 19 hours ago from web in reply to srslainey
- Check out @joesmithreally's list (w/capsule reviews) of funny tweeps to follow. Not beholden to Favrd. http://tinyurl.com/mtfdgv6:35 AM Jul 5th from web
- @SmilinNursAnnie Thanks. I guess I got an early start.4:47 AM Jul 5th from web in reply to SmilinNursAnnie
- "I'm warning everyone right now that I have PMS."
"PMS...PMS...Pardon My Sniveling?"3:48 AM Jul 5th from web
- @expat_erin Do they provide toothpicks in authentic Chinese restaurants or are you expected to use the chicken feet?9:44 PM Jul 4th from web in reply to expat_erin
- I lost my cell phone so I dialed the number from my landline.
Hold on a sec - something's ringing in my pants pocket.9:19 PM Jul 4th from web
- Did Disneyland ever have a problem with widows of U.S. Presidents visiting too often with the animatronic versions of their late husbands?7:42 AM Jul 4th from web
- He or she is probably dead now, but I wish whoever thought up "Johnny Fuckerfaster" was on Twitter.9:11 PM Jul 3rd from web
- Twitterbelle faves: @kolchak @srslainey @sween @adamisacson @kimproper @vmarinelli @benmarvin @smilinbjones @nictate http://bit.ly/qojPL6:14 PM Jul 3rd from web
- @kolchak I hope that becomes a trend.5:19 PM Jul 3rd from web in reply to kolchak
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