baileygenine
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I don't know why people don't like double standards, they've never been a problem for me. Honey don't touch that.
about 1 hour ago
from web
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The best part about bad moods is shut up, leave me alone.
about 4 hours ago
from Tweetie
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We've made so many technological advances, but we still haven't eliminated shampoo bottles that can't balance on their cap.
about 5 hours ago
from Tweetie
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Take your age + 14 + number of siblings - your first address + make up a number and it'll equal yes, you will always step in cat puke.
about 23 hours ago
from web
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After some research I found out your eyes can identify blue pen, so why haven't you finished that to-do list I gave you, Miss Kitty?
10:09 AM Nov 11th
from web
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@ "No, really, I love your cats."
1:01 PM Nov 10th
from web
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@ "Oh, and babe, you don't look fat in that at all."
12:33 PM Nov 10th
from web
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I'm sure with some good marketing (and the right font) we can pass spilling coffee all over yourself off as some from of skin therapy.
11:15 AM Nov 10th
from web
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After starting your fourth email with "I'm not neurotic or anything," you kind of have to accept your defeat.
10:37 AM Nov 10th
from Tweetie
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That salad was so disgusting I had to eat an entire carton of ice cream just to get the taste out of my mouth.
6:05 PM Nov 9th
from web
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I'm about as good at analogies as flautists are at crocheting rugs.
4:52 PM Nov 9th
from web
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It's amazing what the human mind is capable of when you're procrastinating.
1:26 PM Nov 9th
from web
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I love that 24 Hour Fitness emails me, I'd have to actually get off the couch to check postal mail.
11:59 AM Nov 9th
from web
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I remembered the milk and bread, but I completely forgot to do something with my life.
7:27 AM Nov 9th
from Tweetie
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Sorry, but you wouldn't have slammed your face into the dashboard if you had studied physics, and if you weren't a cat.
5:28 PM Nov 8th
from Tweetie
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RT @ Klaatu barada nikto
4:52 PM Nov 8th
from web
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Sorry, Marie Claire, but the #1 website I'm going to waste my time on is not Tony's DailyDanza.
11:53 AM Nov 8th
from Tweetie
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@ A good beginning would be to stop looking in the mirror.
4:19 PM Nov 7th
from web
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No, you're doing it all wrong. You need equal parts 'passive' and 'aggressive'. And lose the eye contact.
1:03 PM Nov 7th
from Tweetie
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How, in a passive conversation, would you tell someone that you're missing a toenail? Okay, two, two toenails.
11:42 AM Nov 7th
from web
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