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baileygenine

  1. I don't know why people don't like double standards, they've never been a problem for me. Honey don't touch that.
  2. The best part about bad moods is shut up, leave me alone.
  3. We've made so many technological advances, but we still haven't eliminated shampoo bottles that can't balance on their cap.
  4. Take your age + 14 + number of siblings - your first address + make up a number and it'll equal yes, you will always step in cat puke.
  5. After some research I found out your eyes can identify blue pen, so why haven't you finished that to-do list I gave you, Miss Kitty?
  6. @paul_e_wog "No, really, I love your cats."
  7. @paul_e_wog "Oh, and babe, you don't look fat in that at all."
  8. I'm sure with some good marketing (and the right font) we can pass spilling coffee all over yourself off as some from of skin therapy.
  9. After starting your fourth email with "I'm not neurotic or anything," you kind of have to accept your defeat.
  10. That salad was so disgusting I had to eat an entire carton of ice cream just to get the taste out of my mouth.
  11. I'm about as good at analogies as flautists are at crocheting rugs.
  12. It's amazing what the human mind is capable of when you're procrastinating.
  13. I love that 24 Hour Fitness emails me, I'd have to actually get off the couch to check postal mail.
  14. I remembered the milk and bread, but I completely forgot to do something with my life.
  15. Sorry, but you wouldn't have slammed your face into the dashboard if you had studied physics, and if you weren't a cat.
  16. RT @biorhythmist Klaatu barada nikto #threewordsaftersex
  17. Sorry, Marie Claire, but the #1 website I'm going to waste my time on is not Tony's DailyDanza.
  18. @hotdogsladies A good beginning would be to stop looking in the mirror.
  19. No, you're doing it all wrong. You need equal parts 'passive' and 'aggressive'. And lose the eye contact.
  20. How, in a passive conversation, would you tell someone that you're missing a toenail? Okay, two, two toenails.