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Back2theFutrell

  1. I always pronounce Joaquin Phoenix's name exactly how it's spelled to make sure that the conversation doesn't last very long about 17 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  2. I used women's deodorant one time in a pinch and HOLY SHIT what kind of smells are you hiding, ladies? 8:45 AM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone
  3. How do you know Siri isn't listening to all of your conversations, waiting to call you out on your lies to your parents? 9:12 PM May 24th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  4. Right when I pulled down my pants to go to the bathroom the fire siren went off outside. Shit just got really sexy in here really quick 9:07 PM May 23rd via Twitter for iPhone
  5. God dammit, I never warned anybody and now my name is worn out 9:27 PM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  6. I bet Alicia Silverstone is wearing a neon belly shirt listening to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones with a 1996 calendar on the wall right now 8:39 PM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  7. Does this make me look fat? *points to topless Ryan Gosling picture* 9:13 AM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  8. I wipe front to back too, and sometimes right up the back of my shirt at work as well 8:42 AM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  9. Eating yogurt before you brush your teeth brings Bin Laden back to life. Do NOT eat yogurt before you brush your teeth 6:46 AM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  10. If changing the channel to something better when The Simpsons is coming on next was an Olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist 8:01 PM May 21st via Twitter for iPhone
  11. The other day I ate pretzels with cocktail sauce, in case you were wondering what a monster tweets like 6:32 PM May 21st via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  12. I truly hope that I never have a supernatural movie moment where out of nowhere a bug comes out of my mouth 6:23 PM May 21st via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  13. I imagine a queen bee as a mob boss that controls the beekeeper. If he doesn't earn enough pushing honey, he gets stung thousands of times 6:21 PM May 21st via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  14. If Jubilee was your favorite X-Man then you pretty much knew you were going to be a huge fag 6:06 PM May 19th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  15. I just found a dust elephant under my couch. What should I name her? 11:55 AM May 18th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  16. You like phone numbers?...How about these phone numbers? *holds an apple against the window. A cocky guy sits on the other side* 9:56 AM May 18th via web
  17. I still don't know what "vagabond" means, but I'll trust ya, Elton. I'll trust ya...Anyway, you were saying something about believing...? 9:44 AM May 18th via web
  18. Back2theFutrell? This is sergeant Sacker. Listen to me...We've traced the weird smell... it's coming from INSIDE the nose 9:29 AM May 18th via web
  19. If you have an English accent I'll believe anything you say, unless it's that street urchin English accent, then you can bugger off mate 8:57 AM May 18th via web