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austinheller

  1. First day wearing my custom-fitted suit jacket and, of course, I smell like McDonald's, no morning shower, and Southwest Airlines peanuts.
  2. Today, a TSA agent proved to me that it is, in fact, possible to rock mutton chops that curve at a 90-degree angle.
  3. Okay, Glee. No high school that can't afford a janitor also cannot afford a $40K Yamaha grand and the rights to modern hit pop songs.
  4. This guy just gave a public speech on how to parkour. God, I love college.
  5. There's nothing like a shave to make me feel...well, exactly how I was before. But with a really fresh-smelling face.
  6. Sweet jeebus Facebook quizzes are addictive. What TV mom am I? I MUST KNOW
  7. Pardon me sir, but could you take your car that has mine utterly blocked in my parking space, and, well, shove it up your ass?
  8. Ghostbusters: the most delicious ending to a disaster movie ever. (@galendw)
  9. I totally got a reply once from @gruber on Twitter. #lameclaimtofame
  10. Wait, scratch that. One year since I last wrote something *actually worth reading.* I stand corrected.
  11. Oh hey, the 1-year anniversary of leaving my blog to rot is coming up.
  12. Congested nose. No allergy medication or tissues in the entire house. Seriously? WORK WITH ME PEOPLE
  13. @Aseroff If you mean in a "I just spent the last 12 hours mangling the shit out of HTML, look at me guys, I'm SMURT!" way, I can relate.
  14. It's 1AM and I'm wired. Oh, late-night birthday cake, you sonuvabitch.
  15. Okay, Honda Boy, if you're gonna be Tool Who Cuts Me Off In Lane Change, don't _also_ be Jackass Going 15 Under The Speed Limit.
  16. Humanities 101 midterm, say hello to my proverbial fist.
  17. Good news, guys! I learned how to play all of AC/DC's songs on guitar! You know, all two of them.
  18. OH: "Each child in the family has to wear a different-colored shirt? Line 'em up and you would get a Gay Pride flag."
  19. 3 GoodTimes Bambino burgers wild fries and a PB Chocolate Crunch spoonbender OH SWEET JEEBUS TIME FOR A NAP
  20. Oh, community college computer systems. You never fail to, well, fail me.