astnhnnh
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@ I was Austin before he was. this is my hashtag now.
10:50 AM May 27th
via web
in reply to JBsShawtyBoo
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finally, a hashtag I can agree with
10:25 AM May 27th
via web
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"Uh...I made chocolate chip brownies?" --Me giving Tracy Chapman one reason to stay here
11:27 AM May 18th
via Twitter for Android
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I am so sick of fucking typos coming out of my fingers and not catching them fucking fuck shit stupid dumb
9:21 AM May 22nd
via web
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hard core dudes with denim vests and tattoos seem way less intimidating when you imagine them sewing all their patches on
8:49 AM May 22nd
via web
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I just yelled "fuck you phone" at the top of my lungs in a car by myself
2:54 PM May 21st
via web
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getting some curious looks driving around town in my sister's car
1:51 PM May 21st
via Twitter for Android
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I love going to the thrift store because where else can I touch hundreds of pairs of used pants that I don't want to buy?
1:49 PM May 18th
via Twitter for Android
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thinking about cutting my losses and getting a head start on this homelessness thing
11:26 AM May 16th
via web
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I hate anyone who is more successful than me and it turns out that is everyone
10:56 AM May 16th
via web
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so when you sneeze and no one says bless you... you go to hell, right?
9:00 AM May 16th
via web
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is it too much to ask that everything work right 100% of the time? am I being unreasonable?
11:48 AM May 15th
via web
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nothing like chatting with coworkers in the bathroom. if you have to check my shoes to know who I am then the timing is obviously right.
10:34 AM May 14th
via web
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Did you know that over 93% of all people don t get enough
9:58 PM May 2nd
via web
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Boogie Nights portrayed the '70s as a magical time when a simple busboy could earn $10 to beat off for male patrons.
11:55 PM Apr 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Sometimes I look away when I hit tweet like I'm walking away from a just rolled bowling ball.
5:37 PM Apr 15th
via web
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secretly taking a video of someone showering is creepy and awful unless you send it in to america's funniest home videos, I guess
6:16 PM Apr 14th
via web
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@ you would think. I am open minded towards all bells.
12:58 PM Apr 13th
via web
in reply to SamwiseReese
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I often find myself humming "jingle bell rock" throughout the day. I firmly believe that "jingle bell rock" is a song for all seasons.
12:15 PM Apr 13th
via web
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Sanatorium is dropping out of the race to focus on blowing dudes.
4:11 PM Apr 10th
via WhoSay
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