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angrysantaelf

  1. Each iPad cost us $2.99 to make this year, which means either Apple wildly overcharges or we just sent out drawings.
  2. When returning a gift we elves made for you, make sure to follow the instructions on our site labeled "Go to Hell and Die."
  3. Dec 26 is when we have our post-Xmas brunch, where Santa looks at the bill and says, "That'll be 40 bucks per elf. I'll chip in a 5% tip."
  4. Happy Boxing Day! In celebration we hid another gift in your house. It's rapidly thawing meat so find it soon.
  5. Santa just said, "Here's next year's hot toy! Monster High Juvie!" Then he showed us a Vampira doll with loaded handgun and 3 priors.
  6. Spending day cleaning workshop, reviewing deliveries and locating the families of all the kids who hid in Santa's sleigh.
  7. Whenever Santa accidentally skips a house he plants evidence there so he can say they were naughty.
  8. Santa's doing post-delivery interviews saying, "I couldn't have done it without those short guys. What do you call them? Oompa Loompas."
  9. Santa's Post-Delivery Speech to the Elves: tinyurl.com/8a4bf3l
  10. Santa arrived home in someone's Smart car, meaning we have no idea where he left the sleigh.
  11. Santa is still asleep, elves are still drunk and reindeer are still flying as far away as possible.
  12. I wish you all the very merriest of Christmases! More tomorrow on the aftermath and our demands for Boxing Day off! Enjoy!
  13. Well, Santa will be heading home soon to have his customary celebratory crate of brandy. Thank you for following along on our ride!
  14. Next is Los Angeles, where Santa will hand out scripts instead of toys, trying to get kids to invest in his horror movie "Claustrophobia."
  15. Santa's in San Francisco, taking forever to get down Lombard Street.
  16. Santa now in Las Vegas, where gambling is less a problem than Santa having to see every single damn Cirque du Soleil show there.
  17. Next stop is Portland, Oregon, where Santa wants to bike through despite the fact that would put us back at least a good three weeks.
  18. Entering Seattle with more "Screaming Trees" CDs than anyone there wants for a gift.
  19. Now Santa's just leisurely wandering around Vancouver, reliving scenes from "X-Files" episodes.
  20. Why is Santa back in Canada yet again?! Did he decide to become a Men Without Hats tour groupie?