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angryoldcoot

  1. Only a heavily medicated, brain-damaged, masochist would go to the grocery store on Thanksgiving Eve. I'm on trip number three. about 3 hours ago from web
  2. These assembly directions are awful! I just don't get them. Good thing it's not a test! Ha! Ha ha! ha.....I'm going to the camps, aren't I. about 6 hours ago from UberTwitter
  3. Vengeance is Ex-Lax® Brownies and an origami toilet. about 8 hours ago from web
  4. If you're really sexy, do you engage in fivenication? about 9 hours ago from UberTwitter
  5. At Thanksgiving I love to cook with family and friends. Of course, that's what got me here isn't it, Warden. about 19 hours ago from web
  6. All I do anymore is look around for things to tweet. Which is why I'm drinking in the bathroom of this bacon plant. about 21 hours ago from UberTwitter
  7. I came up with a terrible tweet. It's awful. Just doesn't work. Therefore, I'm not going to share. I call this move a "Reverse Nickelback". about 22 hours ago from web
  8. Hooray! It's Whiskey Wednesday! What's that? It's Tuesday?!? *sigh* Well, do I get a beverage pass, or am I faking a speech impediment? about 22 hours ago from web
  9. You must cut off the head, burn the body and the artifacts. If it seems extreme, remember: they aren't human. They're stamp collectors. 1:27 PM Nov 24th from UberTwitter
  10. I think we need a second bathroom. Now, who wants to help me dump out these Folgers' Brand chamber pots? 9:56 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter
  11. Chicago: Cover up. Your Bozo fetish is showing. 6:46 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter
  12. @miesque01 Oh, yeah, I've totally seen that, too. 6:40 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter in reply to miesque01
  13. It's parent/teacher conference day, where we learn, in orders of magnitude, how much nicer our child is to strangers. 6:28 AM Nov 24th from UberTwitter
  14. Luke Wilson has fundamentally altered my understanding of the word "embarrassed". 6:22 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter
  15. If they made a reality series called "Bad At Adulthood," I'd get to do the All-Star Reunion season and totally beat that Boston Rob. 4:40 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter
  16. Let's have a race. I'll teach a hamster Fortran, and you get my 5yo to clean up. Wait. Never mind. I ALREADY WON. 4:23 PM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter
  17. When your kid's at school, and you're alone with your spouse, and you play Yahtzee, an angel gets in wings - tossed in the chipper. 8:32 AM Nov 23rd from web
  18. I'd say wake me when I'm interesting, but with global warming, who knows when Hell will get a snow day. 7:07 AM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter
  19. @miesque01 Split - I handle turkey and pie, Mrs. Coot does the rest (I might help w/the mash, too). We use the china because, when else? 6:25 AM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter in reply to miesque01
  20. @miesque01 She has school today and a half day tomorrow, so Mrs. Coot and I will get some nice downtime before the chaos ensues. 5:57 AM Nov 23rd from UberTwitter in reply to miesque01