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Is anyone else bored to death with baby farmers "Brangelina"? He's fucking pussy whipped, and that bitch is crazy. Trust. 03 13 23 33 36 39
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You have years of growth and development in your future. Your ass is widening by the second. Maybe you shouldn't eat me. 08 13 18 26 34 40
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Love is the only medicine for a broken heart-that or a couple of Percocet and a bottle of Strawberry Boone's Farm. Fun! 04 12 16 27 29 35
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A career change is in your future. Try not to fuck up my order when I hit the drive-thru, okay? Two bar-b-q sauces! Two! 10 13 20 25 34 36
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You complete physical tasks with ease...& Don't try to add "IN BED" to this dumbass! It just means you're a fucking idiot. 05 15 19 24 30 32
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Your talents are explosive and seemingly endless. You should swig some Pepto and stay in the house today. Spare others. 07 13 18 26 33 38
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Confucius Say, "Those who speak unkindly of others, may find themselves spoken unkindly about." What an opinionated dick. 02 03 19 27 38 40
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Those who know you, know you are real....real fucking boring. Get your ass out of the house and do something. Christ! 09 11 24 26 33 37
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Your philanthropic efforts in the community will returns many rewards-a case of crabs and a fresh STD. Easy there, Slutty. 05 09 17 28 33 35
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Many challenges are in your future. That means you may have to do some actual work this week, you lazy dip shit. 01 04 19 26 33 38
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A long lost friend will visit you soon. Bitch wants her $50 you still owe her. She's pissed & breakin' out the Vaseline. 03 08 14 21 31 39
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Summer is here. Guess that means we have to see your pastey sun-deprived ass in a bikini. No great fortune for us. 02 08 12 19 30 37
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder...did you miss me bitches?! You know you did, I got you dickmatized. Betta reco'nize. 03 13 19 27 37 40
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You have a great fortune coming to you this year. Me! I'm back, bitches. You're in trouble. 01 03 09 30 32 43
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You will be betrayed by a close friend. I told you that bitch is crazy. Watch ya back. 02 13 14 22 32 42
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Love is the only medicine for a broken heart...That, or a bottle of Jack & a bag of Bar-B-Q Fritos. Eat up, sad one. 08 10 19 29 36 39
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That wasn't chicken you just ate. 11 21 26 32 37 41
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It takes more than a good memory to have good memories. Try not to act like a drunk slut at the party tonight. 01 04 20 27 33 39
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Love is blind. Those jeans you just bought are ill-fitting. They flatten your ass and separate the cheeks. Nasty. 11 15 22 25 30 35
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A new friendship will blossom unexpectedly. But, keep your eye on that bitch. She'll fuck your man and steal your shoes. 03 12 19 22 31 44
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