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To mark the end of a bizarro day, I came out of the grocery store with a note on my windshield asking me out on a date from a guy in traffic6:05 PM May 24thvia Twitter for iPhone
The good thing about growing up fat is no one ever runs into me years later and is like, "Whoa, you got fat! What happened?"12:15 PM May 24thvia Twitter for iPhone
No wonder this hotel is so cheap. When you google it, the first thing that turns up is an article about a fatal robbery.11:28 PM May 23rdvia Twitter for iPad
Some kids keep calling with the wrong number + you go to make food and realize you're missing the main ingredient + headache = serial murder9:30 PM May 23rdvia Twitter for iPhone