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andrewsturz

  1. Thank God I'm not an employee here and can ignore this "All employees must wash hands after using the restroom" sign! 23 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone
  2. Congrats to Jim Parsons! It's hard to come out of a closet you're not inside of. 4:38 PM May 23rd via web
  3. Just freeloaded off my neighbours fireworks!! 7:38 PM May 21st via web
  4. In Canada we have Victoria Day and a lack of Chris Brown so things are pretty good here. 11:48 AM May 21st via web
  5. "You shut the fuck up! You shut the fuck up! Everybody shut the fuck up!" - If I was Oprah 4:41 PM May 18th via Twitter for iPhone
  6. I'll bet Mark Zuckerberg is super annoyed right now what with his wall being flooded with congratulatory notes. 9:13 AM May 18th via web
  7. My yoga instructor told me to do "The Eagle" when stressed so I started screeching and clawed somebody's eyes out. 5:06 PM May 16th via web
  8. I'll bet a lot of gay dads celebrate Mother's Day anyway just for the brunch. 10:23 AM May 13th via web
  9. I deem the use of the world "flawless" as a flaw. 10:41 AM May 12th via web
  10. Just broke the news to my parents that I'm adopted! 1:06 PM May 9th via web
  11. If I was a shark I'd be all "Fuck you, I'm a shark! Jk, I know sharks can't talk." 8:55 AM May 9th via web
  12. North Carolina, Canada has had gay marriage forever and everything is fi- OH GOD! OH NO! GAY ZOMBIES! HELP! THEY WANT TO GIVE ME A MASSAGE!! 10:56 PM May 8th via web
  13. I'll bet the people who voted to ban gay marriage in North Carolina are partying like its 1799 tonight! 10:09 PM May 8th via web
  14. Is laundry a good Mother's Day present? 2:27 PM May 7th via web
  15. Six letters that can make the entire world upset: RIP MCA. 10:47 AM May 4th via web
  16. Ohhhh! You said May the Fourth because today's May Fourth and it sounds like the Star Wars line! AHAHHAHAHAAHA I GET IT! SO FUNNY! 10:34 AM May 4th via web
  17. I hate when people are clearly undressing me with their eyes. It's like, USE YOUR HANDS! 5:45 PM May 1st via web
  18. Sorry ladies, you're not Catwoman, you're a cat woman. BIG DIFFERENCE. 12:17 PM May 1st via web
  19. Your kitten's death was a CATastrophe! Haha! See what I did there!? Well excuse me for trying to add some humour to the situation, asshole! 8:28 PM Apr 29th via web
  • Name Andrew
  • Bio I was once on an airplane with a guy who looked just like Steve Carell. http://favstar.fm/users/andrewsturz
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