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andreaseigel

  1. I always thought beating around the bush was just anal sex? about 22 hours ago via web
  2. The ladies bathroom is trying to sell 'napkins' for 10 cents when I can just clean up this burger I'm eating with toilet paper. Suckas! 10:22 AM May 4th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  3. The tricky thing about using the birds and the bees for "The Talk" is that they're both REALLY hard to get condoms onto. 3:50 PM Apr 19th via web
  4. Being pregnant makes me feel like that blind girl in a video, except instead of sculpting Lionel Richie I'm trying to shave my vagina. 6:35 PM Apr 18th via web
  5. I imagine that Ms. Pac-man finds Pac-man's oral sex technique very mechanical. 10:37 AM Apr 12th via web
  6. I still don't really understand how the stork gets the baby IN your vagina. 8:11 PM Mar 24th via web
  7. My favorite Spice Girl was Agoraphobic Spice, but we never got to see much of her. 10:34 AM Feb 12th via web
  8. Sometimes you feel like a nut. And sometimes I just want you to get your balls out of my face. 2:13 PM Feb 8th via web
  9. I let my boyfriend pop one of my zits so I guess Valentine's Day is taken care of. 8:21 PM Feb 2nd via web
  10. I'm pregnant and I have a live-in boyfriend- either one a problem for you? RT @NOPeteHere @andreaseigel we should date 2:18 PM Jan 27th via web in reply to NOPeteHere
  11. The nice thing about extra large labia is that you always have two security blankets with you. 11:33 AM Jan 11th via web
  12. Wow, it IS a new year- my dog just humped my arm for the first time instead of my leg. 1:03 AM Jan 1st via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  13. Christmas on Facebook really clarifies who turned out to be the biggest cheesedicks from your high school. 3:10 PM Dec 25th, 2011 via web
  14. After the prince climbed to the top of Rapunzel's hair, he spent another year climbing through her bush :( 12:37 PM Dec 23rd, 2011 via web
  15. I can't believe "I Saw Mommy Kissing Schmuel The Latke Fryer" never became a radio hit. 12:23 PM Dec 21st, 2011 via web
  16. Would you be more embarrassed if your dad dressed like Lenny Kravitz or wrote songs like Lenny Kravitz?? 2:20 PM Dec 19th, 2011 via web
  17. At their birthday parties bukkake porn stars play "Duck Duck Goo." 11:54 AM Dec 15th, 2011 via web
  18. I will just tell my kids that Toaster Strudels are what the Nazis ate and to sit down and enjoy their fucking Pop Tarts. 6:12 PM Dec 9th, 2011 via web
  19. I would legally change my first name to Huge. twitpic.com/7o444r 11:09 PM Dec 3rd, 2011 via Twitpic