amynicole21
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"Yes, honey. They *are* too small for Mommy's bottom."
I'm just not ready to discuss the aesthetics of thongs with my children.
about 3 hours ago
from web
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Photo: Payday pedi. Trying really hard to pretend I’m not mortified that I didn’t shave and hoping she...
about 5 hours ago
from Tumblr
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To avoid appearing heavy, only wear horizontal stripes while you're laying down.
about 9 hours ago
from Birdhouse
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If I ever find out who keeps shrinking my pants, I'm going to strangle them. Then I'm going to steal all of their cookies.
10:54 AM Dec 3rd
from web
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Is the favrd morning leaderboard always filled with Germans? Am I on acid again?
5:05 AM Dec 3rd
from web
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Is 8am too early for a cocktail? My boss seems to think so, but I told him he's an asshole.
4:58 AM Dec 3rd
from web
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Is chronic disappointment fatal? What if I add hemlock?
1:59 PM Dec 2nd
from Birdhouse
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Déjà vu never seems to happen with the good stuff.
10:13 AM Dec 2nd
from web
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Enchilada Da-Vida, honey. Don't you know that I love you?
6:55 AM Dec 2nd
from Birdhouse
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Why do I save leftovers when it will just create bio-hazardous waste in my refrigerator after a few months?
3:04 PM Dec 1st
from web
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@ Always wear your safety helmet (tip #77)
6:51 PM Nov 29th
from web
in reply to Moltz
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whew - Just vacuumed the fuck out of my apartment. Now if the sky would just open up and rain bleach, maybe...
6:31 PM Nov 29th
from Tumblr
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Photo: I live in a place where fire hydrants jump in front of famous athletes and the ice cream man still...
12:17 PM Nov 27th
from Tumblr
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I just ate the cheese. Yes, all of it.
12:00 PM Nov 27th
from Tweetie
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Just punk'd 4 by telling her that the pie she was eating was made with "poison-berries." Her first self-induced vomiting, awwwww.
7:28 AM Nov 27th
from web
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Thank goodness it's finally Eid al-Adha, the store decorations have been up FOREVER.
6:57 AM Nov 27th
from web
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Guess now I need to remove "I never used the 'starving kids in Africa' threat" from my list of things for which I am thankful.
6:55 PM Nov 26th
from Tweetie
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From the deep snoring and flatulance I hear coming from their bedroom, I can surmise that my little girls did Thanksgiving right this year.
6:37 PM Nov 26th
from Tweetie
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STUFFED. What have I done? What. Have. I. Done???
Oh, more pie you say?
4:46 PM Nov 26th
from web
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There's still something about a good drum cadence that gets me excited. What? Fuck you - OUR marching band wasn't for nerds! Ok, it was.
6:50 AM Nov 26th
from web
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- Name Amy
- Location nowhere near you. trust me.
- Web http://amynicole2...
- Bio Mom, red-head, chronically tired. Oh, and I enjoy cupcakes.
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