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alexblagg

  1. Cute little neighborhood kids are tent-camping in their yard. Gonna put on lipstick and go scare the bejeezus out of them later. about 11 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  2. #ff RT @sarahcjohnson Farts are weakness leaving the body. about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  3. If you're not out there eating right now, know that I am. Snacking harder, chewing better, getting fatter. #NoFear about 15 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  4. "Being a newborn is, like, new-boring." - cunty baby about 16 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  5. The handful of people who get your t-shirt's font joke probably more than make up for never getting laid, right? about 20 hours ago via web
  6. I started a parody Twitter account where the joke is I don't start a parody Twitter account. It's going great. about 21 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  7. It's 6:44 am and I'm not coming back home until I find my car the rims that best express my personality and worldview. 6:44 AM May 26th via Twitter for iPhone
  8. @seanoconnz wanna go as matchy '60s scout campers? 7:13 PM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone in reply to seanoconnz
  9. Can't wait to see Moonrise Kingdom. Not so much the movie, but the Hipster Halloween 2012 Collection Fashion Show. 6:25 PM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone
  10. Thinking about joining a Buddhist monastery or maybe trying out OxyContin. 6:09 PM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone
  11. "I'm such a geek! I love nerd stuff!" - super cool way to tell the world you enjoy what everyone else now likes 12:19 PM May 25th via Twitter for iPhone
  12. @julezmac Act Like A Vain Asshole, Think Like A Fat Piece of Shit 10:01 PM May 24th via web in reply to julezmac
  13. "If I take my pants off now I'll have to put them back on when I want to get froyo in a few hours" - issue I just dealt with 8:20 PM May 24th via Twitter for iPhone
  14. Articulate dumb people are the Holy Grail of eavesdropping. 6:49 PM May 24th via Twitter for iPhone
  15. "Siri, where's the closest nearby cave where I can give birth to a smoke demon?" - Game of iPhones 10:41 AM May 24th via Twitter for iPhone
  16. "Siri, where are my dragons?" -- Game of iPhones 10:40 AM May 24th via Twitter for iPhone
  17. WRITER PRO TIP: A "red herring" is a literary device in which Gingers are killed solely for comic relief. 6:41 PM May 23rd via Twitter for iPhone
  18. Feel like I'm starting to meet my personal fitness goals. Ran outside without a shirt on today and didn't get arrested. 4:45 PM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  19. They're called OPINIONS because that's just the word that we settled on as the English language evolved. 3:45 PM May 22nd via web
  20. More like Cuba GREATing Jr. 3:07 PM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone