alexblagg
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Cute little neighborhood kids are tent-camping in their yard. Gonna put on lipstick and go scare the bejeezus out of them later.
about 11 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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RT @ Farts are weakness leaving the body.
about 15 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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If you're not out there eating right now, know that I am. Snacking harder, chewing better, getting fatter.
about 15 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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"Being a newborn is, like, new-boring." - cunty baby
about 16 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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The handful of people who get your t-shirt's font joke probably more than make up for never getting laid, right?
about 20 hours ago
via web
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I started a parody Twitter account where the joke is I don't start a parody Twitter account. It's going great.
about 21 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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It's 6:44 am and I'm not coming back home until I find my car the rims that best express my personality and worldview.
6:44 AM May 26th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ wanna go as matchy '60s scout campers?
7:13 PM May 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to seanoconnz
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Can't wait to see Moonrise Kingdom. Not so much the movie, but the Hipster Halloween 2012 Collection Fashion Show.
6:25 PM May 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Thinking about joining a Buddhist monastery or maybe trying out OxyContin.
6:09 PM May 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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"I'm such a geek! I love nerd stuff!" - super cool way to tell the world you enjoy what everyone else now likes
12:19 PM May 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Act Like A Vain Asshole, Think Like A Fat Piece of Shit
10:01 PM May 24th
via web
in reply to julezmac
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"If I take my pants off now I'll have to put them back on when I want to get froyo in a few hours" - issue I just dealt with
8:20 PM May 24th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Articulate dumb people are the Holy Grail of eavesdropping.
6:49 PM May 24th
via Twitter for iPhone
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"Siri, where's the closest nearby cave where I can give birth to a smoke demon?" - Game of iPhones
10:41 AM May 24th
via Twitter for iPhone
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"Siri, where are my dragons?" -- Game of iPhones
10:40 AM May 24th
via Twitter for iPhone
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WRITER PRO TIP: A "red herring" is a literary device in which Gingers are killed solely for comic relief.
6:41 PM May 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Feel like I'm starting to meet my personal fitness goals. Ran outside without a shirt on today and didn't get arrested.
4:45 PM May 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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They're called OPINIONS because that's just the word that we settled on as the English language evolved.
3:45 PM May 22nd
via web
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More like Cuba GREATing Jr.
3:07 PM May 22nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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- Name Alex Blagg
- Location Los Angeles
- Web http://alexblagg....
- Bio Writer/Comedian/Producer/Internet Idiot.
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