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alexawesome

  1. Had a dream helium wished me happy birthday by blowing up balloons with He on them and laughing. "Hehehehehehe!" 6:38 AM May 15th via web
  2. If I hear 'Moves Like Jagger' on the elevator one more fucking time, bad things are going to happen. IT'S CRUEL AND UNUSUAL. 8:27 AM May 14th via web
  3. Incredible. Another cover of Sexy and I know it: youtube.com/watch?v=vsvlsu… Just amazing. Watch it! 6:22 PM May 11th via web
  4. Stroking egos is like anal: use a lot of lube, go slow, and be gentle. 5:40 PM Apr 25th via web
  5. Completely misheard a coworker say what I thought was, "a gentleman's fart." Hilarious. 9:08 AM Apr 16th via web
  6. "What would you have seriously done if we won the lottery?" "No more regular showers. ONLY GOLDEN ONES." 8:08 PM Mar 30th via web
  7. Sexy and I Know it cover: youtube.com/watch?v=8uKw-P… 6:37 PM Mar 17th via web
  8. This gum? It's got like... crystals and shit. This is way better than that sweet mint crap I was chewing before. 12:42 PM Mar 1st via web
  9. "it's a fun way to say slut." - Dane, regarding the word 'floozy' 3:15 PM Feb 28th via Twitter for iPhone
  10. @PammyHolland OMG it's actually all real pictures of a cat. HAHAHHA 2:29 PM Feb 21st via web in reply to PammyHolland
  11. @PammyHolland Is... is it also a play? I see it was written and also directed by Dav Pilkey. 2:28 PM Feb 21st via web in reply to PammyHolland
  12. @PammyHolland AMAZING. 2:28 PM Feb 21st via web in reply to PammyHolland
  13. Mother of god... these mashies are amazing. 5:30 PM Feb 20th via web
  14. "it's nuts. It's nuts?! We're only at it's nuts?!" -candra 2:04 PM Feb 16th via Twitter for iPhone
  15. Obligatory 'I just remembered twitter is a thing that exists,' tweet. 10:02 AM Feb 16th via web
  16. Come on, HBO. The sooner you offer @HBOGO to non-cable subscribers, the sooner I'll buy it. What I won't buy is cable. 2:07 PM Jan 18th via web
  17. Tell Congress: Don’t censor the web! google.com/takeaction/ 7:49 AM Jan 18th via Tweet Button
  18. Fuck, JJ. Find a new genre of tv show. Why ISLANDS? Why not a mysterious inlet? Why not a fjord? 4:04 PM Jan 15th via web
  19. I blame AC. *dies* 4:03 PM Jan 15th via web
  20. "Yo... is this Janessa? ... Stop playin' girl, why you sound like a dude?" Manfriend gets the best wrong numbers. 11:33 AM Jan 14th via web