AlexanderWatt
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It seems like puppies can get into anything. Just this morning, I overheard my dog listening to Talib Kweli, Rancid, and Carly Rae Jepsen.
7:10 AM May 24th
via Twitter for iPhone
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There's a guy with a barbed wire tattoo cracking up at an old episode of "Friends" while sitting by himself at a deli. That's the joke.
1:31 PM May 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Either all trains smell like popcorn, or my fear of someone I sort of know sitting next to me does.
12:57 PM May 23rd
via Twitter for iPhone
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I can already tell today is going to be one of those days that end at night.
7:00 AM May 21st
via Twitter for iPhone
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The only thing Tyler Hansbrough has going for him is that he didn't go to Duke.
2:31 PM May 20th
via web
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Flattery will get you nowhere, especially if it ends with "just kidding, fuck face."
11:46 AM May 20th
via Twitter for iPhone
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You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get the Foo Fighters.
11:42 AM May 20th
via web
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What doesn't kill you makes you live more.
3:34 PM May 19th
via web
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Shit, I just walked in on my roommate watching "Mr. Deeds."
3:15 PM May 19th
via web
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Huh, I guess the Hall & Oates Pandora Station isn't touring this summer.
2:00 PM May 17th
via TweetDeck
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@ Sorry my teeth are sensitive, Kelly. Maybe they can give you some pointers.
3:22 PM May 16th
via web
in reply to citizenhudson
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Is anyone's life going really, really well right now? I'd like to complain about sugary food hurting my teeth without feeling like a dick.
3:17 PM May 16th
via web
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@ @ Yeah, Jake. If I'm so dumb, why do I make everybody feel bad about themselves?
12:13 PM May 16th
via TweetDeck
in reply to BarrnagroM
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My weakness is that I care too much about never getting strong.
11:50 AM May 16th
via web
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@ Jake insults: Jake? More like rake. The Big Stupid. Shut up.
10:37 AM May 16th
via web
in reply to JakeHurwitz
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I'm not trying to be creepy, but is SmarterChild 18 yet?
9:37 AM May 16th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Conspiracy Theories
9:30 AM May 16th
via web
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If I were CEO of JPMorgan, I would just change the name to JKMorgan, say losing $2 billion was part of a prank, and also not be fired.
9:53 AM May 15th
via web
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Considering how often I get walked in on while showering, I should really charge admission and refuse to give refunds.
5:12 PM May 14th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I've always wanted to be in a gang, but never had the guts to kill someone or do improv.
10:23 AM May 14th
via Twitter for iPhone
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- Name Alex Watt
- Location New York City
- Web http://alexwatt.t...
- Bio Staff writer for CollegeHumor, not a crook.
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