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alegna24

  1. And on the seventh day, after an eight hour shift at her crappy and unfulfilling minimum-wage job, Angela said, "Let there be vodka!" 3:20 PM Nov 29th from txt
  2. When your alarm goes off and the first thing you say when you wake up is, "I hate my life", you know it's going to be a good day. 7:01 AM Nov 29th from txt
  3. Spam: "FBI OFFICE GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY FOR YOU'RE OWN GOOD IF YOU DON'T WANT US TO ARREST YOU AND JAIL YOU" @Missy_Boo? Is that you?? 7:00 PM Nov 3rd from web
  4. "Sorry I left my blue [paint] gloves out and made such a mess..." "Whatevs. Sorry my *life* is a mess and I'm always blue." 7:37 AM Nov 3rd from web
  5. I'm the Lady Gaga of practical jokes. Interpret that however you wish. 12:48 PM Oct 17th from txt
  6. Who needs an attitude adjustment? THIS GAL! Standing next to me! On the train! WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING VERY LOUDLY IN MY EAR 10:11 AM Oct 12th from web
  7. FORTUNE COOKIE: "You are a happy man" After all these years believing I was female, I had NO IDEA I was doing it so wrong.... 8:29 AM Oct 12th from web
  8. Guys. Have you EVER seen Lady Gaga and Dustin Hoffman in the same room at the same time?? I just blew your minds. 7:39 PM Oct 9th from txt
  9. If life was a race then I'd be dead last. Or just dead. 4:26 PM Oct 9th from txt
  10. "They should change the name of the show to 'Kate + 9' because Jon acts like a child.." "Why not just call the show '10'?" 2:16 PM Oct 9th from txt
  11. @phillisstein YES! No pants necessary. If you don't mind getting assaulted on the way, come on over! (Seriously though, it's sketchy) (help) 9:26 PM Oct 2nd from txt
  12. RESPONSE TO DM: (because I don't know how to DM from phone) The bar is called 'Glenwood' and it's in Rapeyville ..a.k.a Morse redline stop.. 9:15 PM Oct 2nd from txt
  13. I'm sitting alone in a bar watching Runaway Bride and First Wives Club while Lady Gaga plays on the jukebox. Um. Yeah. This is my life. 8:58 PM Oct 2nd from txt
  14. THERE ARE TINY OWLS ON ELLEN! 1:51 PM Oct 2nd from txt
  15. I'm not claiming to be an expert or anything, but when doves cry it sounds NOTHING like that Prince song. 9:01 AM Sep 30th from web
  16. On a pain scale of 1-10, my stomach feels like "stabbing victim". 7:07 AM Sep 29th from web
  17. Summer is over. R.I.P Shaving my legs. 10:23 AM Sep 21st from web
  18. Thwarted by spiders, once again..... 5:31 PM Sep 19th from web
  19. 5 year old to @DolciSogni and @PicanteFirosh: "MOM!! Don't talk about VAGINAS!!!!" 6:03 PM Sep 18th from txt
  20. Chicago doesn't recycle, so I'm just going to send all my recyclables to Lady Gaga, in hopes she will incorporate them into her next outfit. 11:30 AM Sep 16th from web