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alanhawkins

  1. Thus far the great LET'S TAKE THE BABY CAMPING experiment has yielded less than spectacular results. about 7 hours ago via Twitter for Android from Ohio, US  
  2. 60/40 odds that this air mattress we are using is as flat as my ass by morning. #ilove #camping about 18 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  3. Just learned the difference between an IED and a IUD. One of them is explosive and the other one goes into a lady's whoo-whoo. Good to know. 12:51 PM May 24th via Twitter for Android
  4. Someone please name an improv troup POP ROCKS and CHAOS. 4:03 PM May 22nd via Twitter for Android
  5. Everyone deserves to be considered equal in this world. Except Oompa Loompas. Them little orange f**kers give me the creeps. DIE U BASTARDS! 6:30 AM May 22nd via Twitter for Android
  6. Trying to figure out if we're celebrating our daughters first birthday this week or celebrating that we have kept her alive for a whole year 6:46 PM May 21st via web from Chicago, IL
  7. Sounds like every fire engine in Chicago went by my house a few minutes ago. Anyone know what's up? 12:00 PM May 20th via Twitter for Android
  8. Being HOT is 90% attitude and the rest is staying on top of your hygiene. #deodorant #real #cheap 10:23 AM May 18th via web from Chicago, IL
  9. Dear gay friends, I really hope you can get married legally soon. Because I'm betting your wedding receptions are going to be OFF THE HOOK! 10:18 AM May 18th via web from Chicago, IL
  10. I plan to be cremated so I won't return as a zombie. But I will have my ashes spread on a high pollen day so I will affect your allergies. 7:07 AM May 16th via Twitter for Android
  11. Overheard recently in a VERY public place - "The dirtier the sex, the prettier the baby" #wow #godbless 7:07 PM May 14th via Twitter for Android
  12. New role for me as Daddy - Eating what baby won't at a restaurant. #imgoingtobea #fat #dad 10:08 AM May 14th via Twitter for Android
  13. File under "Things I never thought I would say" - Uh Oh! Did you make BOOM BOOMS?? Let me look. YOU DID! You made em' them BOOM BOOMS! #dad 8:23 AM May 13th via web from Chicago, IL
  14. Dear Lord, why do I have the theme song to Welcome back Kotter I'm my head??? #earworm 3:27 AM May 12th via Twitter for Android
  15. When I make coffee it's not called coffee, it's called "liquid F**K YEAH!" and I drink it with great zeal. #coffee 6:00 AM May 11th via Twitter for Android
  16. @MattKubinski - I think @berzi76 and @Weigard are working on getting them up on iTunes. 9:58 AM May 7th via TweetDeck in reply to MattKubinski
  17. I wish there was a FF>> button on my life sometimes. Today for instance. I would fast forward through all of today. 9:55 AM May 7th via TweetDeck
  18. Eating McGriddle breakfast and watching the battle of Helms Deep. #geek #LOTR 7:15 AM May 6th via TweetDeck
  19. AVENGERS - Five thumbs up! WAY UP! 4:34 PM May 5th via TweetDeck
  • Name Alan Hawkins
  • Location Roscoe Village, Chicago
  • Web http://alanandama...
  • Bio I live in Chicago. I like badgers and beer. I sometimes perform improv.
85 Following 282 Followers 6 Listed