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alainedouard

  1. When you say ‘no pun intended’ all I hear is ‘pun intended’. (← No pun intended.) 10:09 PM Nov 29th from Birdhouse
  2. My earflaps lift; what is this boogie-woogie I hear? Right. It’s Saturday morning, we’re out of cheese curds, and you’re lactose intolerant. 11:00 PM Nov 27th from Birdhouse
  3. Is Edge healthier than 3G, or is it the other way around? I’m not getting any reception in my left leg. 3:53 PM Nov 22nd from Birdhouse
  4. Not only do I think you’re the center of the Bikini Bottom of the universe, but you are the center of the Bikini Bottom of the universe. 5:59 PM Nov 15th from Birdhouse
  5. The car waltzed on the hazy highway. I clenched the steering wheel the way the officer seized my arm. The rain fell and I cried for more. 6:38 PM Nov 3rd from Birdhouse
  6. @alaindebotton Congratulations on your latest book! A very inspiring and enjoyable read. 6:23 PM Nov 3rd from Birdfeed
  7. Halloween is my 16th favorite holiday. It rates somewhere between the April income tax deadline and a new year’s eve without a baby sitter. 3:07 PM Oct 31st from Birdhouse
  8. What I Learned as a Receptionist: A banana slips away the morning voice. Go ahead and try it. Then call me. I dare you to call me banana. 12:48 PM Oct 31st from Birdhouse
  9. Creative work is no good for the ego. If you have great ego, you’ll think everything you do is good. 8:08 PM Oct 30th from Birdhouse
  10. Chopin turns your hair cells into tulips. 8:50 AM Oct 26th from Birdhouse
  11. Never mix things liquorish; it makes gibberish. 6:02 AM Oct 24th from Birdhouse
  12. The first lines of a shampoo bottle are crucial. They tell you how much to apply or how much you get in the eye. 6:08 PM Oct 22nd from Birdhouse
  13. ’Scuse me ma’am, if you’re ‘metaphorically speaking’ YOU ain’t really speaking. 5:14 PM Oct 20th from Birdhouse
  14. It’s funny how a word or punctuation mark can shift the entire meaning of THESAURUS! 11:17 AM Oct 19th from Birdhouse
  15. @weselec I was about to post my theory on film critics too. (That’s telepathy, right?) But you win for crafting a zanier toot of it. 3:01 AM Oct 19th from Tweetie in reply to weselec
  16. Most dollar store receipts look like they’re written in Sanskrit and divided into sutras. 1:22 PM Oct 16th from Birdhouse
  17. During a written evaluation, it is preferable to use a speechless figure of speech. 11:51 AM Oct 15th from Birdhouse
  18. Monotone Jamboree! 7:48 PM Oct 14th from Birdhouse
  19. Ohmygod - I wrote what could be one of the best short fiction ever. As a reward, I’m getting myself a very spicy Nobel Prizza. 12:25 PM Oct 12th from Birdhouse
  20. A dash of yin has never hurted one’s yang. 12:29 PM Oct 7th from Birdhouse