AinsleyofAttack
- Girls who wear g-strings to yoga: thank you.about 18 hours ago from txt
- The Air Jordan logo might actually be a bald cheerleader with a pom-pom.about 23 hours ago from txt
- When I hear a song by Wham! I'm grateful that I wasn't old enough to try to get laid in the 80s. Then I'm just pissed that I have ears.5:25 PM Jul 17th from txt
- The great thing about being a passenger when my aunt drives the church van is flipping off everyone without having to worry about steering.4:05 PM Jul 16th from txt
- Bulldogs are the mall security guards of the dog world.12:23 PM Jul 15th from txt
- Two flat tires in the same week. I'm assuming they were both slashed. On Long Island we refer to this as "flirting."4:28 PM Jul 14th from txt
- Counter girl at TCBY is so hot, she made my soft serve ironic. She's also so young she'd need me to explain what that word means.8:08 PM Jul 11th from txt
- If it's the clothes that make the man, it's the sunglasses that make the douche.3:15 PM Jul 10th from txt
- Thank God for spare tires. My old one was as flat as a Russian gymnast.12:48 PM Jul 9th from txt
- For neurologists to call them "mini-stokes" is so two years ago. They really should rebrand them "100 Calorie Pack Strokes."12:00 PM Jul 8th from txt
- Three of my friends just got engaged over the course of two days. Zales must be having a sale.6:17 AM Jul 8th from txt
- All right, microwave, so you're broken. That doesn't mean you can just sit there. Welcome to life as a cabinet, meet my new box of crackers.3:30 PM Jul 7th from web
- The words "seafood" and "fiesta" should never be used in tandem to describe anything that goes in one's mouth. Well, almost anything.4:27 PM Jul 6th from txt
- Mosquitoes really need lightening bugs' PR guy.5:13 PM Jul 5th from txt
- I can't declare independence from my neighbor's stereo system and his love of Motley Crue's Greatest Hits. The bombs, cursing, big hair...10:22 AM Jul 4th from txt
- Shopping. It's like Y2K reinvented itself to be in July, involve a meat shortage, and only Ore Ida potatoes will keep the zombies at bay.12:45 PM Jul 3rd from txt
- When history shows mention thumb screws I forget they're a torture device, not just a mutually unsatisfying amateur heavy-petting technique.2:07 PM Jul 2nd from txt
- Maybe there are only dinosaurs in heaven.7:56 AM Jul 1st from txt
- The deli guy's shocked that I know which Yankees are on the DL. I'm guessing the only list he thinks a woman pays attention to is grocery.11:39 AM Jun 30th from web
- Not having a phone is like breaking both hands while making out. Then your penis evaporates. And customer service is closed until 7AM CST.5:40 AM Jun 29th from web
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