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adamisacson

  1. In Blade Runner, it's 2019 and they've got flying cars, sophisticated robots-- but no Bluetooth earpieces. What a dystopian nightmare.
  2. At work, I try to convince people to change foreign policy. At home, I can't even convince a 5-year-old that the salsa is truly "mild."
  3. Atlas Sound: Doctor (Five Discs Cover) - http://bit.ly/5zbFIo
  4. Judging from their effect on my own morale, I recommend that the Army beam those Snuggie commercials into Taliban-held areas.
  5. Poultry by-product bits floating in your water glass. A sure sign that the cat was thirsty, and you've been inattentive.
  6. Surfer Blood: Swim (To Reach the End) - http://bit.ly/6ays5Q
  7. Walking toward my car, saw a parking ticket. I passed an old lady who must think I just wander the streets saying "Oh, you motherfucker."
  8. Forget about shooting spider webs. I've had enough close-quarters conversations lately to wish "being fresh and minty" were a superpower.
  9. I'm eating a salad for lunch. I'm not even on a diet. I just _wanted_ salad. I know, I'm worried too. I'm trying not to panic.
  10. If you've ever voted against new funding for public schools, it's you I'm thinking of as I stand in the self-checkout line.
  11. The Mountain Goats: Genesis 3:23 - http://bit.ly/35Ayaj
  12. The elevator tried to break me down. I froze. I couldn't remember what to do. 1984 was a long time ago.
  13. Golden Silvers (with Hypnotic Brass Ensemble): Arrows of Eros - http://bit.ly/45j19y
  14. When primatologists doubt a colleague's credibility, I bet they say "show me the monkey." But never "put your monkey where your mouth is."
  15. Every morning we have to put up with this crap. Would it kill them to invent some orange juice-flavored toothpaste already?
  16. Think of all the money CNN will save if they give Lou Dobbs's time slot to an undocumented immigrant.
  17. It was a shrewd marketer who realized you could ditch the pancakes and sell the cough syrup on its own. Because cough pancakes are nasty.
  18. You should see the outfits on the women in this supermarket. And there's no Kashi anywhere. I don't know what keeps Whore Foods in business.
  19. Today, tens of thousands of government, postal and bank employees will honor our veterans by staying home and watching "Tyra."
  20. I'm having the most amazing luck finding parking spaces. If you believe in karma, you should probably avoid me. In fact, avoid Washington.