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acimmonk

  1. Sulk back to room. Flick light off and on dejectedly. Knock at my door. Sister Silence. Signs "Everything OK??" My puppy dog eyes sign no.
  2. Ab. Pacino grabs me: Hero of the dream factor zero? Ha! It's off the charts! Who do you think is being unfairly treated, cast out, rejected?
  3. Conspiracy table thinks I'm "one of them" now. Evicted. Overhear people gushing about "The Miracle of Pork." Hero of the dream factor? Zero.
  4. Grilled! Was it chemtrails? Aliens? CFR? Banking elite? Illuminati? Bird flu vaccine? Mumble: "I think he died by his own consent." Booed.
  5. Disavow any involvement with slaying The Great Beast. VIP-table pass revoked. Lama talk dries up. Only welcomed at conspiracy table now.
  6. A happy Friar B. leaves me alone with Abbot. "Maybe don't take credit for 'bringin' home the bacon.'" My specialness flashes before my eyes.
  7. Now look under your plate, says Pacino. Engraving: "Purpose is everything." That is what everything on top of your plate is meant to hide.
  8. Friar Buck pounds his fist on the table. A bowl of stuffing tips over. "Eureka! It's like lesson #8! My mind is preoccupied with leftovers!"
  9. Friar Buck begs, "Tell me my mistake!" Ab. Pacino responds, "The problem, my dear friend, is you jump out of the Friar into the frying pan."
  10. Put arm around Friar Buck, sit quietly in dark, unsure what to say. Abbot Pacino appears with lantern, face softly aglow and lit with love.
  11. 2am-Leftovers calling my name. Sneak down to kitchen for stuffing. Find Friar Buck in dark crying. Has tummy ache, wonders why he overeats.
  12. Read: Light and joy and peace abide in me. Hmm. More like turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, yams, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie.
  13. OK, sounds good. I got this. Walk to door, pause. Turn around. But what about the tarantulas? My health issues? And.. Pacino: "But but but."
  14. "Then what should I do??" He responds: "Don't try to find Truth, just stop making a big deal about your big deals and Truth will find you."
  15. Tell Abbot story of my life, put special emphasis on most woeful bits. Ask how long we should spend on it? His reply: "About 15 seconds."
  16. Cease Mr. Roboto moves atop VIP table. Chagrined. Abbot motions me to office for first weekly counseling session. Messiah complex revisited.
  17. Receiving line forms. Regale them with animated recounting of tale. Abbot Pacino strolls by. Bemused. "VIP table? Hmmm. Very Insane Person?"
  18. Enter refectory to thunderous ovation. Blush, but fold arms to make biceps look as big as possible. Carried to VIP table amidst Lama chants.
  19. A drooling Friar Buck falls to knees in exalted prayer repeating lesson 77! Renewed confusion as to what EXACTLY constitutes a miracle.
  20. Kitchen staff awake, find year supply of bacon on doorstep. Word spreads quickly. Riots cease. The blue dot is returned to the blue circle.