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absinthe_fairie

  1. A butter knife is totally a screwdriver. about 9 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  2. I may not be perfect, but I AM irresistible. about 10 hours ago via web
  3. My general rule of thumb for women's figures is: if your boobs stick out farther than your gut, you're good. 6:37 AM May 24th via Twitter for Android
  4. Chester Cheeto slings a product that is addictive & bad for your body. That, my friends, is why he looks like a drug dealer. 5:37 AM May 24th via Twitter for Android
  5. Sometimes it's easier just to dumb it way the fuck down so you can relate to other people. 8:08 AM May 23rd via web
  6. Slowly making the internet my bitch. 8:02 AM May 23rd via web
  7. I'd luv 2 shake the guy's hand who does the Yos & Uh Huhs on Bieber's song Baby & congratulate him on being the biggest douche on the planet 5:53 AM May 23rd via web
  8. " I read that on TV!" -Fox News viewers 12:05 PM May 22nd via Twitter for Android
  9. Call me crazy, but there's no way I'd get on a boat with Cap'n Crunch. His hat looks like it's eating him and that just doesn't seem safe. 11:04 AM May 22nd via Twitter for Android
  10. Threading a string through this Do Not Disturb sign and wearing it as a necklace is probably the best idea I've ever had. 10:13 AM May 22nd via Twitter for Android
  11. I'm coming back as a Fender guitar in my next life. 7:16 AM May 22nd via Twitter for Android
  12. Sitting at the kid's table because I like chicken fingers and good conversation. 11:27 AM May 21st via Twitter for Android
  13. @VegasPhotog aww man, thanks! Enjoy rehabbing the old IQ from all of this internet drivel! 9:40 AM May 21st via Twitter for Android in reply to VegasPhotog
  14. I'm adamantly against the death penalty. Except for when it comes to people who remix Johnny Cash songs. They're just soulless. 8:50 AM May 21st via Twitter for Android
  15. My spirit animal is Miss Piggy. 6:33 AM May 21st via Twitter for Android
  16. Trying to repress my highly offensive personality is like trying to hide a sperm whale in a baby pool. 5:33 AM May 21st via Twitter for Android
  17. @Tweetererguy you're pretty goddamned funny! You're welcome :) 10:23 PM May 20th via Twitter for Android in reply to Tweetererguy
  18. Rachel Ray is so cute that I just wanna stuff her ass in a Snugli and carry her around like a baby. 10:21 PM May 20th via Twitter for Android
  19. I generally find unsavory characters to be the sweetest. 10:13 PM May 20th via Twitter for Android
  • Name The Absinthe Fairie
  • Bio Face like an angel, mouth like a trucker with Tourette's.
1,146 Following 2,734 Followers 64 Listed
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