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aaronadler

  1. Molly interrupts me every time I sing Zou Bisou Bisou to her.
  2. Life is a rubik's cube which can only be solved with patience, love, and peeling off and resticking the color squares onto the right sides.
  3. When people say 50 Shades of Grey contains 'bum sex,' does that mean anal or hobo?
  4. I hope the company that turned Battleship into a movie is turning Freddy Got Fingered into a board game.
  5. I can't decide whether to squander my night watching Netflix, iTunes, Hulu, Slingbox, Boxee, LiveHub, Roku, Vudu, or Aereo.
  6. Somehow those guys in washington square park always know when I'm looking for kind buds.
  7. Pretty sure I just saw a homeless guy wearing a hundred-dollar Fjällräven backback.
  8. This small-batch artisanal pink slime from brooklyn is amazing.
  9. Platinum-cut oatmeal is so much better.
  10. Mother's Day: Sidewalks filled with tired fathers lugging their kids around.
  11. It must have taken a lot of CGI to make @GeorgeClooney look that tired in The Descendants.
  12. The new flushless toilets in LA pretty much balance out the broken toilets in NY you have to flush six times.
  13. I hate being viewer number 18,000,000 of a really cool youtube video.
  14. If I die at California Pizza Kitchen please transport my body so my family can find me somewhere cooler.
  15. They should spell it Hurtz rental car
  16. People in LA keep pitching me movie treatments while waiting in line for the bathroom.
  17. Just got a new high score on HangoverVille.
  18. Feeling less crazed affection for Apple now that it's being run by mere mortals.
  19. You know that thing where a person will laugh at something so hard they lean back and start involuntarily clapping? I want to do that.