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_loveclaire

  1. I can't wait until I have a boyfriend so that we can go shopping at Ikea together. 5:47 PM Nov 23rd from txt
  2. Tomorrow kitty's balls get chopped off. Say a prayer for themIMEAN him. Say a prayer for HIM. He's a kitty! 11:19 PM Nov 22nd from web
  3. @weselec Phew, I'm so relieved. Now that I'm out a soul I can't afford to take any more chances. 11:18 PM Nov 22nd from web in reply to weselec
  4. @weselec Wait, are you telling me not even plastic surgery and a Ferrari are going to fix this? 10:16 PM Nov 22nd from web in reply to weselec
  5. I think I'm at that stage in my life where everything is either hilarious or infuriating. 6:16 PM Nov 22nd from web
  6. "Do you really have a diary?" "No, just a book with pictures of all the people that I want to love me." 8:03 PM Nov 21st from txt
  7. Nothing ruins a hot outfit faster than flatulence. 10:31 AM Nov 20th from web
  8. I wonder what I'm going to wear tomorrow? 5:46 PM Nov 19th from txt
  9. If there's anything more glorious than being one of Celine Dion's backup dancers then I don't want to hear about. 12:29 PM Nov 19th from web
  10. In the debate between vampire and werewolf, I would be a mermaid. Or a unicorn. Or a spaceship. Yeah, that one. 11:48 AM Nov 19th from web
  11. Is it my ovaries that make me love period pieces? Because I know for certain it's not this fancy history degree I keep in my closet. 11:57 PM Nov 18th from web
  12. Let's see...juicy hamburger or sleeping kitten? Why is my life so fucking hard, God? 11:56 AM Nov 17th from web
  13. Look Beyonce, I think you're totally bootylicious and all, but when you make Lady GaGa look normal you're doing it wrong. Very wrong. 11:48 AM Nov 17th from web
  14. Maybe I'll do my laundry today. I DON'T KNOW OKAY? 10:59 AM Nov 17th from web
  15. "Okay, no, I don't want to be punched in the dick, and I don't want to be punching people in their dicks either." 11:11 PM Nov 15th from web
  16. "I mean, I'm not dirty, but I have had a lot of sex." 11:08 PM Nov 15th from web
  17. Ah, 2009. Or, as I like to refer to it, the fail-year. 9:30 AM Nov 15th from web
  18. There are few things stranger than wandering around your own home trying to figure out the source of the Michael Jackson music. And failing. 9:49 PM Nov 12th from web
  19. 3:30 on a Thursday afternoon and I have yet to put on a pair of pants. Today, life is good. 3:16 PM Nov 12th from web
  20. Things my ass has been called: Enormous. Spectacular. Astronomical. All adjectives that I can really get behind. 2:34 AM Nov 12th from web