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Vulvatron

  1. Mashed potatoes and taking a nap with a baby were the best parts of my day.
  2. the turkey neck really, really looks like a deformed penis. gross.
  3. I was going to buy a gravy boat for Thanksgiving but I got self conscious about being the chubby kid in the checkout line with a gravy boat
  4. I think my humming with the NSYNC Christmas tunes at the grocery store gave away the fact that I'm a complete and utter loser sometimes
  5. I've been telling myself since 11:30pm Thursday evening that I can wait a week to see New Moon, it should be easy. I WANT TO SEE IT NOW
  6. @Yidago that is a personal modification I can get behind.
  7. Dear coworker who just had a BM: the overuse of the citrus bathroom spray is not masking the fact that you took a BM. Please use sparingly.
  8. I got fresh with some peanut butter filled pretzels earlier today.
  9. That reflection I caught of myself while entering Safeway was truly unfortunate
  10. Surprisingly, this screaming, whiney child is making me want children less and less. Who woulda thunk?
  11. I thought eating prunes like an old lady last night was awesome. This morning, in a vinyl seated chair, I am regretting my decision.
  12. My accidental setting of my alarm clock to PM instead of AM two weeks in a row is a sign I need to take a sabbatical, or to drink more.
  13. Note to self: You can thin too much with thinning shears, especially when you're hacking away at your own hair.
  14. I shaved my dog's butt and now he keeps rubbing it on everything. #itchybhole
  15. My Thursday so far: didn't wake up to alarm, got to work 2 hours later, headache, no lunch and grump level off the charts. JEALOUS?
  16. About to eat high fiber soup before going into a 2-hour evening meeting. Best. decision. ever.
  17. How does one go about getting a do-over Monday?
  18. Help me Rhonda. Someone shoot me now.
  19. I get fashion tips from the lady shoppers at Walmart. Sexy.
  20. Trying to decide what to wear tonight. Who am I kidding? We're going to Video Games Live.