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Vulvatron

  1. Mashed potatoes and taking a nap with a baby were the best parts of my day. 12:13 AM Nov 27th from web
  2. the turkey neck really, really looks like a deformed penis. gross. 6:18 PM Nov 26th from web
  3. I was going to buy a gravy boat for Thanksgiving but I got self conscious about being the chubby kid in the checkout line with a gravy boat 12:16 AM Nov 25th from web
  4. I think my humming with the NSYNC Christmas tunes at the grocery store gave away the fact that I'm a complete and utter loser sometimes 3:36 PM Nov 23rd from web
  5. I've been telling myself since 11:30pm Thursday evening that I can wait a week to see New Moon, it should be easy. I WANT TO SEE IT NOW 4:05 PM Nov 21st from web
  6. @Yidago that is a personal modification I can get behind. 9:50 AM Nov 19th from web in reply to Yidago
  7. Dear coworker who just had a BM: the overuse of the citrus bathroom spray is not masking the fact that you took a BM. Please use sparingly. 9:48 AM Nov 19th from web
  8. I got fresh with some peanut butter filled pretzels earlier today. 11:25 PM Nov 17th from web
  9. That reflection I caught of myself while entering Safeway was truly unfortunate 1:29 PM Nov 17th from web
  10. Surprisingly, this screaming, whiney child is making me want children less and less. Who woulda thunk? 9:49 PM Nov 16th from web
  11. I thought eating prunes like an old lady last night was awesome. This morning, in a vinyl seated chair, I am regretting my decision. 8:22 AM Nov 16th from web
  12. My accidental setting of my alarm clock to PM instead of AM two weeks in a row is a sign I need to take a sabbatical, or to drink more. 8:19 AM Nov 16th from web
  13. Note to self: You can thin too much with thinning shears, especially when you're hacking away at your own hair. 3:07 PM Nov 15th from web
  14. I shaved my dog's butt and now he keeps rubbing it on everything. #itchybhole 10:16 AM Nov 13th from web
  15. My Thursday so far: didn't wake up to alarm, got to work 2 hours later, headache, no lunch and grump level off the charts. JEALOUS? 12:30 PM Nov 12th from web
  16. About to eat high fiber soup before going into a 2-hour evening meeting. Best. decision. ever. 5:07 PM Nov 9th from web
  17. How does one go about getting a do-over Monday? 4:17 PM Nov 9th from web
  18. Help me Rhonda. Someone shoot me now. 11:49 AM Nov 9th from web
  19. I get fashion tips from the lady shoppers at Walmart. Sexy. 9:40 PM Nov 8th from web
  20. Trying to decide what to wear tonight. Who am I kidding? We're going to Video Games Live. 5:24 PM Nov 7th from web