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VizTopTips

  1. @bigedwards Give us a Top Tip, Justin!
  2. OLD PEOPLE: insult the youth of today AND show you're still in touch by telling them to "go Twitter their FaceTube". /via @NosniborKram
  3. BMW X5 owners: get a personalised numberplate with 'X5' in it. Then everyone knows you own an X5. /via @henryejones
  4. A NEIGHBOURS car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency. via Nick Jeggo.
  5. BIRDLOVERS: Demonstrate your love for your feathery friends by licking their shit off my just-cleaned car. /via @Paul_Edmonds
  6. AVOID being punched square in the face by not telling me that you did ALL your Xmas shopping by the end of November. /via @Jackster69
  7. Businesswomen - instead of shaking hands, avoid transmitting the H1N1 virus by greeting one another with a 'chest bump' /via @peregr1n
  8. DOGS - instead of the socially unacceptable bottom sniffing greeting, why not simply shake hands - or in your case paws? /via @NosniborKram
  9. PEOPLE - when a word is "on the tip of your tongue", simply stick it out for people to read. /via @NosniborKram
  10. GHOSTS.If you need to contact the living,just send an email.No need to use a mad freakish idiot like Derek Acorah to pass on your messages.
  11. PREVENT your ears from being bitten off in the pub by Sellotaping them flat to the side of your head. via P. Ash, Kent.
  12. Save money on expensive gravelling for your driveway: replicate the sound by glueing Rice Krispies to your car tyres. /via @Graeme_Stirling
  13. @Graeme_Stirling Ha ha! Fair point...
  14. TOP TIPS CONTRIBUTORS. If your tips don't get retweeted, simply assume it was an oversight and send them again. /via @EddieRobson
  15. GOTHS. With your pale skin and glum demeanour, feel a sense of belonging by simply moving to Scotland. via / @doctorcamel.
  16. @sweetL80 Here to help!
  17. In a situation that leaves you "lost for words"? Simply pick up a dictionary & hey presto - hundreds of words to choose from! @WeAreTheMags
  18. X-factor Single producers. Simply put RATM's Killing In The Name Of on as a B-side thus keeping everybody happy /via @comedyfish
  19. Birds. Never travel in pairs. That way you will likely render the old proverb "killing two birds with one stone" extinct. /via @Drdonelittle
  20. FOOL next door into thinking that you have more stairs than them by always banging your feet twice on each stair. via C.B., Sedgefield.