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@bigedwards Give us a Top Tip, Justin! about 4 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to bigedwards
OLD PEOPLE: insult the youth of today AND show you're still in touch by telling them to "go Twitter their FaceTube". /via @NosniborKram about 8 hours ago from Tweetie
BMW X5 owners: get a personalised numberplate with 'X5' in it. Then everyone knows you own an X5. /via @henryejones about 8 hours ago from Tweetie
A NEIGHBOURS car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency. via Nick Jeggo. about 10 hours ago from Tweetie
BIRDLOVERS: Demonstrate your love for your feathery friends by licking their shit off my just-cleaned car. /via @Paul_Edmonds about 10 hours ago from Tweetie
AVOID being punched square in the face by not telling me that you did ALL your Xmas shopping by the end of November. /via @Jackster69 about 13 hours ago from Tweetie
Businesswomen - instead of shaking hands, avoid transmitting the H1N1 virus by greeting one another with a 'chest bump' /via @peregr1n about 14 hours ago from Tweetie
DOGS - instead of the socially unacceptable bottom sniffing greeting, why not simply shake hands - or in your case paws? /via @NosniborKram about 14 hours ago from Tweetie
PEOPLE - when a word is "on the tip of your tongue", simply stick it out for people to read. /via @NosniborKram about 14 hours ago from Tweetie
GHOSTS.If you need to contact the living,just send an email.No need to use a mad freakish idiot like Derek Acorah to pass on your messages. about 16 hours ago from Tweetie
PREVENT your ears from being bitten off in the pub by Sellotaping them flat to the side of your head. via P. Ash, Kent. about 16 hours ago from Tweetie
Save money on expensive gravelling for your driveway: replicate the sound by glueing Rice Krispies to your car tyres. /via @Graeme_Stirling about 17 hours ago from Tweetie
@Graeme_Stirling Ha ha! Fair point... about 17 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to Graeme_Stirling
TOP TIPS CONTRIBUTORS. If your tips don't get retweeted, simply assume it was an oversight and send them again. /via @EddieRobson about 17 hours ago from Tweetie
GOTHS. With your pale skin and glum demeanour, feel a sense of belonging by simply moving to Scotland. via / @doctorcamel. about 17 hours ago from Tweetie
@sweetL80 Here to help! about 17 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to sweetL80
In a situation that leaves you "lost for words"? Simply pick up a dictionary & hey presto - hundreds of words to choose from! @WeAreTheMags about 18 hours ago from Tweetie
X-factor Single producers. Simply put RATM's Killing In The Name Of on as a B-side thus keeping everybody happy /via @comedyfish about 18 hours ago from Tweetie
Birds. Never travel in pairs. That way you will likely render the old proverb "killing two birds with one stone" extinct. /via @Drdonelittle about 19 hours ago from Tweetie
FOOL next door into thinking that you have more stairs than them by always banging your feet twice on each stair. via C.B., Sedgefield. about 19 hours ago from Tweetie