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UnkleMunky
My neighbour says his new touch-screen phone is very much like his wife: Difficult to navigate and occasionally averse to physical contact.11:30 AM Nov 9thfrom web
Sometimes I can sense that my Hoover needs emptying before the warning light comes on. It's good to use the force in a domestic setting.11:02 AM Nov 9thfrom web
My mate Ian is dating a fiery Aries girl. He says he's worried because he's a half-soaked Pisces and he doesn't want to quench her passion.5:46 AM Nov 4thfrom web
Phil Collins famously dumped his ex-partner by fax. Many people found it hard to believe. Me too. Who faxes anymore?11:02 AM Nov 2ndfrom web
My mate's cousin lost his legs in Afghanistan recently. It's such a shame. He wore a size ten and I'm a size nine. Ahem. Hello?9:30 AM Oct 30thfrom web
Someone threw half a pint of lager over me last night. I was quite insulted. Surely I'm worthy of a full pint!?11:35 AM Oct 28thfrom web
It's a shame that the Dodo is extinct. I wouldn't of minded tasting one.8:40 AM Oct 18thfrom web
I learned today that Jesus had twelve followers... I wonder how many of them were spammers?6:19 AM Oct 14thfrom web
The old woman next door has had a stairlift installed. And they reckon young people are lazy?10:01 AM Oct 12thfrom web
The model who posed for The Playboy 2009 Jigsaw Puzzle has very distinctive pubic hair. Oh no... My mistake. There's a piece missing. Ahem.9:39 AM Oct 11thfrom web
I am currently haemorrhaging followers at the rate of approximately one a day. If I were more evolved I would probably be quite upset.7:48 AM Oct 10thfrom web
My mate's got a job! He says it was a tough interview but that he managed to pull it off in the end. Jesus, the things they expect ya to do!3:44 AM Oct 8thfrom web
It seems my inability to focus on work in the presence of cleavages does not entitle me to Incapacity Benefit. I guess it was worth a try?1:24 AM Oct 8thfrom web
Inadequate wi-fi coverage of the countryside leads me to conclude that getting back to nature just isn’t for me.6:47 PM Oct 1stfrom web
It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one with gmail problems. While we're united in failure... Does anyone else cum too quickly?8:35 AM Sep 24thfrom web
Does anyone else find it ironic that Gok Wan's 'How to Look Good Naked' is sponsored by Specsavers? Hello?6:25 AM Sep 24thfrom web
I wish I'd had prior knowledge of today's fire drill. I felt really stupid standing in the car park with my hastily retrieved porno stash!8:01 AM Sep 22ndfrom web
I don't know if it's true or not, but I just heard that Noel Gallagher is to replace Keisha from The Sugababes. I'm glad he's moving on.3:34 AM Sep 22ndfrom web
The woman at my local newsagents says her twins are giving her grief again. I can't say I'm surprised. She should try wearing a bra!1:10 AM Sep 19thfrom web
