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UCNews

  1. Rumors of UC Board Chairman Buck Niehoff's recent death is not true...he's been dead for years (at least he comes off that way).
  2. UC Board of Trustees announces Gregory Williams from CUNY to be next UC President. Wife-swap is now complete with New York.
  3. Rumor: UC is deep in talks about being its next President with Al Gore (yes, the former VP/Senator and global warming guy).
  4. UC prepares for another excellent football year, another mediocre basketball year, and a year w/o major new construction (woohoo!).
  5. UC considering merging College of Engineering and College of Medicine; holdup is whether to call it "Engicine" or "Medineering".
  6. Outgoing UC President Nancy Zimpher to be recognized with memorial naming ceremony; Langsam entrance to become the Zimpher Revolving Door.
  7. UC President Nancy Zimpher to leave UC for SUNY Chancellorship; will be replaced by slightly more effective cardboard cutout of Pol Pot.
  8. UC to erect new indoor training facility for football. Upgrades to actual classrooms delayed indefinitely.
  9. UC merges Colleges of Applied Science and Engineering. Is considering merging Clermont and CCM because they both start with 'C'.
  10. UC falls to Virginia Tech; blames watching too much Bengals offense.
  11. Can UC beat Pitt this weekend? If it does, the Orange Bowl is going to look a little more red and black.
  12. Many co-op students frustrated by lack of co-op jobs; necessary for finishing programs. Is crappy economy keeping us from graduating?
  13. UC College of Engineering set to absorb College of Applied Science; neither is happy about it; many faculty likely to leave soon thereafter.
  14. UC will be converting semesters in order to appease the Ohio Board of Regents and enable President Zimpher to eliminate some faculty/staff.
  15. Semester conversion: good for UC administration but is it good for anyone else?
  16. Amusing that UC President Nancy Zimpher's Wikipedia article (http://tinyurl.com/5bc4dp) is dominated by debate on Huggins.
  17. Good news! The empty lot across from our power plant at Vine & MLK will soon be home to a hotel, bank, and restaurants! http://is.gd/1gGO
  18. UC research shows employer-based health programs are most effective, yet UC charges employees for gym access http://is.gd/1gG6