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TweetOnTees

  1. Officer, we can either quarrel over this speeding ticket now or we can resolve this over few beers with the President. http://tr.im/Byd9 9:48 AM Oct 25th from web
  2. I stole the cookies from the cookie jar... http://tr.im/CjDU 9:20 AM Oct 19th from web
  3. Please tell your wife to stop sexting me. http://tr.im/C0Z8 8:55 AM Oct 16th from web
  4. Our plane's been waiting for take off clearance so long, the toddler behind me has spoken 3 new words. Not nice ones. http://tr.im/BVGJ 2:51 PM Oct 15th from web
  5. Sadly, my day requires pants. http://tr.im/BBOc 10:37 PM Oct 12th from web
  6. Officer, we can either quarrel over this ticket now or we can resolve this over few beers with the President of the USA. http://tr.im/Byd9 10:03 AM Oct 12th from web
  7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you... 2:01 AM Oct 12th from web
  8. Check out our graphic tees: http://www.tweetontees.com 1:59 AM Oct 12th from web
  9. If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. 1:27 PM Sep 28th from web
  10. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" route option. 12:04 PM Sep 1st from web
  11. He just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like I was revving my engine. 3:43 AM Aug 31st from web
  12. Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home. 1:26 PM Aug 30th from web
  13. I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble when I put all the bibles in the fiction section. 9:23 AM Aug 29th from web
  14. We're out of white wine, toilet paper and Windex... too hard to explain via text. 9:32 AM Aug 28th from web
  15. My pen is enormous. 3:44 PM Aug 27th from web
  16. Thinking the moonwalk was the quietest way to sneak out of a bedroom. 6:28 AM Aug 11th from web
  17. Confidence is sexy... right? 6:51 AM Aug 10th from web
  18. ɟɟo ssıd & noʎ ʞuɐɥʇ ˙looʇsɹɐq ǝɥʇ uo ʞɔɐq ǝɯ ʇnd & dn ǝɯ ʞɔıd ǝsɐǝld ˙˙˙sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı 10:02 AM Aug 7th from Tweetie
  19. Sadly, my day requires pants. 3:40 PM Aug 6th from Tweetie
  20. I'm huge... on Twitter. 1:40 PM Aug 5th from web