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  1. The Hunt for Red October by Tom Clancy. Silent and deadly. The End.
  2. Irish Thoroughbred by Nora Roberts. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl... and horses. The End.
  3. The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie. The devil is an illegal immigrant. The End.
  4. Ali Baba and the Fourty Thieves. Rogues get ganked by elite crit fireball spell. The End.
  5. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Egomaniac has an erection. The End.
  6. The Maltese Falcon by Dashell Hammitt. Sam Spade gets the bird. The End.
  7. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. “Yankees Suck!” The End.
  8. The Long Walk by Stephen King (as Richard Bachman). “My feet hurt.” The End. Edit by @drumminjoez
  9. Alive by Piers Paul Read. Rugby players are tough, but they marinate well. The End.
  10. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis. Teenage boy enjoys “Turkish Delight.” The End.
  11. Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. Kid sucks at life, exterminates bugs. The End.
  12. The City and the Pillar by Gore Vidal. A gay in the hand is worth more than two in the bush. The End.
  13. I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Windows Security Center has determined “HUMANITY” is a threat. Choose an option: [Enslave] The End.
  14. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. Louisiana sure is a fucked up place. The End.
  15. The Game by Neil Strauss. BOOBS. The End. Edit by @iamchaostheory
  16. Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay. “Let me give you a hand with that.” The End.
  17. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. This is not an exit. That is not Godiva. Feed me a stray cat. The End.
  18. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. “Just ’cuz I’m your uncle doesn’t mean I ain’t your daddy, too.” The End.
  19. The Stand by Stephen King. “The End!” The End.
  20. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Crybaby abates her insecurities by traveling around the world. How nice for her. The End.