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TodayinthePast

  1. 1535 - Sir Thomas More was executed in England for treason. Oh Henry VIII, is there any problem you can’t solve with decapitation?
  2. 1911 - The Indy 500 was run for the first time. After realizing how boring this was, the decision was made to try it with race cars.
  3. 1999 - Space shuttle Discovery completes docking with the International Space Station. After that, it never returns the Station’s calls.
  4. 1968 - The Gateway Arch in St. Louis dedicated. To whom? Why, people who love arches of course.
  5. 1883, the Brooklyn Bridge, linking Brooklyn and Manhattan, was opened to traffic. As far as I can tell, no maintenance has been done since.
  6. 1939 - Germany and Italy commit to a military alliance. Because if there’s one thing Italy is known for, it’s military resolve.
  7. 1804 - The French Senate proclaimed Napoleon emperor. Little did they know he was actually the Sith they were looking for THE WHOLE TIME!
  8. 1792 - NYSE founded. Instead of throwing money in the trash, you can give it to someone else that keeps part then throws it in the trash.
  9. 1904 – Salvador Dali born! The exact time is uncertain, since the clock was melting.
  10. 1774 - Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. Clearly the severance package was not explained to him in advance.
  11. 1961 - FCC chairman Newton N. Minow condemns TV programming as a "vast wasteland” – if only he had lived to see the internet.
  12. 1886 - Atlanta pharmacist John Styth Pemberton invented the flavor syrup for Coca-Cola. Goodbye teeth, hello Diabetes!
  13. 1840 - Composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky born. Thanks for giving guys all over the world one more terrible ballet to sit through.
  14. 1776 - Rhode Island claims freedom of England, just before the Declaration of Independence - the only interesting thing RI has ever done.
  15. 1921 - West Virginia imposes the first state sales tax. Because groceries just aren’t expensive enough.
  16. 1809 - The Oklahoma Territory was organized. Finally – we needed a good place to put the world’s largest McDonalds.
  17. 1707– Scotland and England become The Kingdom of Great Britain. Rejected names: Foggytown, Rainyville, and DudeseriouslyIcantseeathingburg.
  18. 1803 – The United States purchased the Louisiana Territory from France. Suckers!
  19. 1937 - Saddam Hussein's birthday! Now if someone asks what he and Penelope Cruz have in common, you can say more than "born with a penis."
  20. 1521 – Magellan killed in the Philippines. When you drag men around the world with no food or water, don't expect them to NOT murder you.