TodayinthePast
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1535 - Sir Thomas More was executed in England for treason. Oh Henry VIII, is there any problem you can’t solve with decapitation?
6:22 PM Jul 6th
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1911 - The Indy 500 was run for the first time. After realizing how boring this was, the decision was made to try it with race cars.
6:54 PM May 30th
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1999 - Space shuttle Discovery completes docking with the International Space Station. After that, it never returns the Station’s calls.
6:34 PM May 29th
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1968 - The Gateway Arch in St. Louis dedicated. To whom? Why, people who love arches of course.
6:31 PM May 25th
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1883, the Brooklyn Bridge, linking Brooklyn and Manhattan, was opened to traffic. As far as I can tell, no maintenance has been done since.
6:20 PM May 24th
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1939 - Germany and Italy commit to a military alliance. Because if there’s one thing Italy is known for, it’s military resolve.
8:19 PM May 22nd
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1804 - The French Senate proclaimed Napoleon emperor. Little did they know he was actually the Sith they were looking for THE WHOLE TIME!
6:36 PM May 18th
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1792 - NYSE founded. Instead of throwing money in the trash, you can give it to someone else that keeps part then throws it in the trash.
6:49 PM May 17th
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1904 – Salvador Dali born! The exact time is uncertain, since the clock was melting.
6:24 PM May 11th
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1774 - Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. Clearly the severance package was not explained to him in advance.
6:17 PM May 10th
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1961 - FCC chairman Newton N. Minow condemns TV programming as a "vast wasteland” – if only he had lived to see the internet.
6:36 PM May 9th
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1886 - Atlanta pharmacist John Styth Pemberton invented the flavor syrup for Coca-Cola. Goodbye teeth, hello Diabetes!
6:30 PM May 8th
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1840 - Composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky born. Thanks for giving guys all over the world one more terrible ballet to sit through.
6:58 PM May 7th
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1776 - Rhode Island claims freedom of England, just before the Declaration of Independence - the only interesting thing RI has ever done.
6:32 PM May 4th
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1921 - West Virginia imposes the first state sales tax. Because groceries just aren’t expensive enough.
6:26 PM May 3rd
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1809 - The Oklahoma Territory was organized. Finally – we needed a good place to put the world’s largest McDonalds.
7:06 PM May 2nd
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1707– Scotland and England become The Kingdom of Great Britain. Rejected names: Foggytown, Rainyville, and DudeseriouslyIcantseeathingburg.
6:48 PM May 1st
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1803 – The United States purchased the Louisiana Territory from France. Suckers!
6:27 PM Apr 30th
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1937 - Saddam Hussein's birthday! Now if someone asks what he and Penelope Cruz have in common, you can say more than "born with a penis."
8:00 PM Apr 28th
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1521 – Magellan killed in the Philippines. When you drag men around the world with no food or water, don't expect them to NOT murder you.
6:31 PM Apr 27th
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