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TiffanyJMoore

  1. Starve a fever, feed a cold rum, right? LET ME HAVE THIS YOU GUYS I'M SURROUNDED BY FAMLY MEMBERS ASKING WHY I'M STILL SINGLE.
  2. I just read that doing a Sudoku puzzle burns an amazing 90 calories an hour. GREAT. Another form of exercise I don't enjoy.
  3. In hindsight, when asked what she was most thankful for, Nana probably shouldn't have said, "that my dead husband's insurance was paid up."
  4. In bed hoarding Reese Cups and Cheetos while tripping balls on Robitussin and Sudafed. This is how an A&E reality show starts.
  5. Facebook is pretty much the best video game ever. Even though I'm doing absolutely nothing, I'm still beating all the other players.
  6. Standing in the cold, wet rain in my pajamas while holding a bag of cat food, I realized that whatever "it" was, I was doing it wrong.
  7. @JarrodDMoore Those are the moments for which flasks are made.
  8. Guys, if you remember anything this Thanksgiving, let it be this: don't forget to preheat the oven before trying to stick in the turkey.
  9. @danaynay @chokeychicken Is there a "Great Minds Think Alike" contest? OMG WHAT DO I WIN?
  10. If a collar pops in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does the douchebag make a sound?
  11. Just gave the cats catnip and now they're re-enacting the Battle of Bull Run in my bedroom. If curiosity doesn't kill them, I WILL.
  12. @brianbolter *STAR!*
  13. The one good thing about accumulating so many AOL discs over the years is that I'll never need to buy coasters ever again.
  14. What's Vietnamese for "No, I don't like that color and no, I don't have a boyfriend and I KNOW YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ME LADY"?
  15. Pro tip: If a friend asks you to help pick out a dress for her third wedding, don't ask her why all the ones she's choosing from are white.
  16. My friend just sent me an audio file that can only be described as heavy metal polka. I don't know whether to bang my head or dance a jig.
  17. Last week, a motorist received Virginia's first $1,000 ticket for an HOV lane violation. Wait. Jay-Z has his own lane on the Interstate?
  18. If the body of Christ were Cheez-Its and the blood of Christ were sangria, I'll bet Pastor Dan would be turning people away at the door.
  19. I know you're all out of gin, but when I said "call someone who cares" I wasn't actually referring to *me*. See you at Thanksgiving, Nana.
  20. NyQuil: The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, how the hell did I end up on the bathroom floor hugging the ficus medicine.