TiffanyJMoore
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Starve a fever, feed a cold rum, right? LET ME HAVE THIS YOU GUYS I'M SURROUNDED BY FAMLY MEMBERS ASKING WHY I'M STILL SINGLE.
about 1 hour ago
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I just read that doing a Sudoku puzzle burns an amazing 90 calories an hour. GREAT. Another form of exercise I don't enjoy.
about 3 hours ago
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In hindsight, when asked what she was most thankful for, Nana probably shouldn't have said, "that my dead husband's insurance was paid up."
about 4 hours ago
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In bed hoarding Reese Cups and Cheetos while tripping balls on Robitussin and Sudafed. This is how an A&E reality show starts.
about 16 hours ago
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Facebook is pretty much the best video game ever. Even though I'm doing absolutely nothing, I'm still beating all the other players.
about 19 hours ago
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Standing in the cold, wet rain in my pajamas while holding a bag of cat food, I realized that whatever "it" was, I was doing it wrong.
about 23 hours ago
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@ Those are the moments for which flasks are made.
about 24 hours ago
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in reply to JarrodDMoore
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Guys, if you remember anything this Thanksgiving, let it be this: don't forget to preheat the oven before trying to stick in the turkey.
11:33 AM Nov 24th
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@ @ Is there a "Great Minds Think Alike" contest? OMG WHAT DO I WIN?
9:47 AM Nov 24th
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If a collar pops in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does the douchebag make a sound?
9:24 AM Nov 24th
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Just gave the cats catnip and now they're re-enacting the Battle of Bull Run in my bedroom. If curiosity doesn't kill them, I WILL.
6:03 PM Nov 23rd
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@ *STAR!*
5:19 PM Nov 23rd
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in reply to brianbolter
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The one good thing about accumulating so many AOL discs over the years is that I'll never need to buy coasters ever again.
3:35 PM Nov 23rd
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What's Vietnamese for "No, I don't like that color and no, I don't have a boyfriend and I KNOW YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ME LADY"?
12:57 PM Nov 23rd
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Pro tip: If a friend asks you to help pick out a dress for her third wedding, don't ask her why all the ones she's choosing from are white.
10:12 AM Nov 23rd
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My friend just sent me an audio file that can only be described as heavy metal polka. I don't know whether to bang my head or dance a jig.
8:58 AM Nov 23rd
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Last week, a motorist received Virginia's first $1,000 ticket for an HOV lane violation.
Wait. Jay-Z has his own lane on the Interstate?
5:43 PM Nov 22nd
from web
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If the body of Christ were Cheez-Its and the blood of Christ were sangria, I'll bet Pastor Dan would be turning people away at the door.
2:06 PM Nov 22nd
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I know you're all out of gin, but when I said "call someone who cares" I wasn't actually referring to *me*.
See you at Thanksgiving, Nana.
11:09 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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NyQuil: The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, how the hell did I end up on the bathroom floor hugging the ficus medicine.
7:56 PM Nov 21st
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