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Thedaytoday

  1. Stretch pants linked to outbreak of cretinism. 10:57 AM Apr 28th from twhirl
  2. The Day Today - slamming the wasps from the pure apple of truth. 8:33 AM Feb 13th from web
  3. Sheffield Hysterical 3, Chunky Norwich 1. Richmond Artithmetic versus Nottingham Marjorie match postponed due to bent pitch. 4:42 AM Feb 13th from web
  4. The Lincolnshire village of Vladny is tonight recovering from a gravity quake during which the Earth's pull was reversed for seven minutes. 4:37 AM Feb 13th from web
  5. “Gita is 15 and now because of heavy electricity she’s only eight inches tall. She can’t speak, but she must feel quite dreadful.” Nick Owen ... 9:23 AM Oct 10th, 2008 from twhirl
  6. Coming up - more cathedral dumping in Leicester 1:25 AM Oct 7th, 2008 from twhirl
  7. Herman the Tosser is not someone who's invaded my own particular consciousness 9:04 AM Sep 30th, 2008 from web
  8. Richmond Arithmetic versus Nottingham Marjorie - match postponed due to bent pitch 11:13 AM Aug 3rd, 2008 from twhirl
  9. Gay cars next, they're the same as last night: all Volkswagens registered between 1982 and 1985, they stay gay for another fortnight. 8:53 AM Jul 2nd, 2008 from twhirl
  10. The gay elements are Potassium. Zinc. Hydrogen. Copper. And Argon. 8:51 AM Jul 2nd, 2008 from twhirl
  11. Quick roundup of today's gayness, starting with the roads: The M70, the A3, the B664 and the A48M. They are all gay as of midnight tonight. 8:49 AM Jul 2nd, 2008 from twhirl
  12. Jacques 'Jacques' Liverot: When I drive my car, I am not driving. I am participating in a conspiracy called 'traffic'. I will walk... 6:28 AM Jun 27th, 2008 from twhirl
  13. Jacques 'Jacques' Liverot: An old man stands naked in front of a mirror, eating soup. He is a fool. 5:52 AM Jun 22nd, 2008 from twhirl
  14. Tomorrow the new Bank of England 5 pound note comes into circulation. The notes, which feature the head of Iggy Pop, can only be used once. 6:38 AM Jun 6th, 2008 from twhirl
  15. Euro MPs new headsets play the sound of screaming women 1:24 AM Jun 6th, 2008 from twhirl
  16. Leicester man wins right to eat sister 1:41 AM May 29th, 2008 from twhirl
  17. Sacked chimney-sweep pumps boss full of mayonnaise 3:23 AM May 26th, 2008 from twhirl
  18. Bouncing elephantiasis woman destroys central Portsmouth. 3:48 AM May 21st, 2008 from twhirl
  19. Jacques 'Jacques' Liverot: If democracy is a bra, then the monarchy are breasts. And we cannot imagine a society without breasts. Hélas. 3:49 AM May 20th, 2008 from twhirl
  20. Weather: Devon and Cornwall should have some fairly heavy and prolonged showers, a bit like jagged metal piercing old flesh. 11:45 AM May 18th, 2008 from twhirl