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Ireland
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TheTommyCooper

  1. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep. 1:37 AM May 25th via web
  2. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 1:32 AM May 25th via web
  3. I was taught by a cross eyed teacher. She couldn't control her pupils. 12:15 AM May 23rd via web
  4. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 12:29 AM May 16th via web
  5. I fired my masseuse today. She rubbed me the wrong way. 12:28 AM May 16th via web
  6. I went for a job as a gold prospector, but it didn't pan out. 4:32 PM May 15th via web
  7. The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. 4:31 PM May 15th via web
  8. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. 1:05 AM May 8th via web
  9. Where do generals keep their armies? Up their sleevies. 6:42 AM May 7th via web
  10. I saw an ad in a shop window that said “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Full”. I thought: “I can’t turn that down”. 6:38 AM May 7th via web
  11. What must you know to be an auctioneer? Lots. Reply Delete Favorite 10:56 PM May 3rd via web
  12. Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone. 3:36 AM Apr 28th via web
  13. I tried water polo but my horse drowned. 3:34 AM Apr 28th via web
  14. My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs. She won, she had the hammer. 11:39 PM Apr 24th via web
  15. This little old lady was frightened. She looked at me, she said 'Do something religious'. So I took up a collection. 11:38 PM Apr 24th via web
  16. My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds. 11:36 PM Apr 24th via web
  17. I told my mum I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'I'll give you an audition but I'm not promising anything.' 4:18 AM Apr 24th via web
  18. I went to the doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu. So I went, and I got it.' 5:13 AM Apr 21st via web
  19. My wife does really good bird imitations. She watches me like hawk. 5:08 AM Apr 21st via web
  20. I've got a friend who has a butler whose left arm is missing. Serves him right. 6:10 AM Apr 19th via web