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TheSurrealJTIII

  1. @TheSurrealJB Man, I can't wait until we score 32 points against you guys! 2:16 PM Nov 17th from web
  2. I asked Dad what I should do for the second half. He recommended finding an I-beam and getting my hands on a length of rope. 2:14 PM Nov 17th from web
  3. We scored 19 points in the first half against Temple! Pretty good, right? That's almost as much as the Redskins scored all game last week! 1:58 PM Nov 17th from web
  4. Dad's playing Temple tonight. I hope that he let's me pretend to be coach. I have a suit picked out and everything. 9:30 AM Nov 17th from web
  5. @TheSurrealJB Happy Birthday! If your birthday parties are anything like mine, I hope that your wife doesn't laugh at your penis tonight. 9:29 AM Nov 17th from web in reply to TheSurrealJB
  6. My boobs hurt. 11:18 AM Aug 7th from web
  7. Harry Potter was good. Hairy Pooper was even better. 9:20 AM Jul 31st from web
  8. President Obama invited me to the Beer Summit. I had to decline. I'm a wine cooler man through and through. Plus, it was all grown up talk. 9:19 AM Jul 31st from web
  9. Oh, mercy! That was a long nap. Can't wait to see Michael Jackson next week when I head to London! He's my favorites! 1:48 PM Jul 29th from web
  10. @TheSurrealJB Boobies are God's easy-to-carry milk jugs! 11:16 AM May 1st from web in reply to TheSurrealJB
  11. I remember my first hospital visit. I didn't want the surgery, but Dad insisted: If I were to take his name, I would need to have a penis. 11:15 AM May 1st from web
  12. Follow Friday: @mileycyrus; @Oprah; @Jonasbrothers. Heroes, one and all! 10:59 AM Apr 24th from web
  13. I totally cried when Paula cried last night. I had to; the rope around my neck as I masturbated to her was just too much. 11:39 AM Apr 22nd from web
  14. I just found out DaJuan Summers declared for the draft. I think he'll look adorable in his Army fatigues. Make sure you wear sunscreen! 2:20 PM Apr 21st from web
  15. I went to a Final Four once. It's still the greatest Scrabble tournament I ever attended. 5:21 PM Apr 4th from web
  16. But since U been gone I can breathe for the first time I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah Thanks to you, now I get what I want Since you been gone 5:11 AM Apr 1st from web
  17. Uh! Unnh! AAAAAAHHHHHH! Whew! I just gave birth to a four-pound submarine sandwich. Chicken salad, I believe. It smells delicious. 11:31 AM Mar 29th from web
  18. Aaah! AAAAAAaaaaahhhhh!!!! 9:29 AM Mar 29th from web
  19. Uuuuunnnnnnnnnngggggghhhhh! 8:34 AM Mar 29th from web
  20. Eeeaaaaaauuuuuuuunnnnnnnngghhhhhhh! 7:39 AM Mar 29th from web