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TheOrvedahl

  1. "Let's get in the circle and see what happens." -My mom, trying to get me on the dancs floor to Tone-Locs' 'Wild Thing'.
  2. Apparently there's no greater disappointment for a wedding guest than meeting a comedian who doesn't feel like comedying on command.
  3. Actual text from my mom at this wedding reception: 'Shall we dancs?' No, Mom, we shancs.
  4. I'll say this for Michael Jackson: He may be a dead pederast but goddamn if he can't revive a dance floor.
  5. All the old people now race-shuffling to the dance floor to lean on one another for the Righteous Brothers' 'Unchained Melody'.
  6. Of course everyone is dancing to pop country shit and then the dance floor empties for Hank Williams. JUST LEAVE THE BOTTLE OF CHARD THANKS
  7. I'm almost tanked enough to request that the wedding DJ play Danzig's 'Mother'. Lemme hit that Chardonnay again.
  8. There's always one couple at a wedding reception who dances just a bit too passionately, as if to say: HEY. HEY. WE'RE NEXT.
  9. Mmm, strong notes of banana in this Chardonnay. Wait a minute... there's a goddamn banana in my Chardonnay.
  10. @biorhythmist Perhaps you'll feel more comfortable wearing this... *gestures to row of home team jerseys*
  11. @Ahm76 Gurl you know I ain't.
  12. Anyone who utters one complaint about driving in L.A. should be sentenced to drive in Dallas for 10 minutes.
  13. #FF The funniest person on Instagram and the best butt on Twitter @Angela8912
  14. Here's @nottjmiller's short film from Sundance, definitely worth 15 minutes of your work day. FunnyOrDie.com/m/6vpm
  15. "Have you ever met someone you just instantly hated?" -My dad, not even referencing anyone in particular.
  16. #FF “@aporianat: I learned that when the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders reach age 26 they turn them into Italian sausage. Delicious but :(”
  17. @NKQualtieri Literally nothing!!!
  18. My little brother just got his M.D. and P.h.D! In related news,I smuggled lots of food from the reception in the hand-sewn pouch in my pants