TheOrvedahl
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"Let's get in the circle and see what happens." -My mom, trying to get me on the dancs floor to Tone-Locs' 'Wild Thing'.
about 2 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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Apparently there's no greater disappointment for a wedding guest than meeting a comedian who doesn't feel like comedying on command.
about 3 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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Actual text from my mom at this wedding reception: 'Shall we dancs?'
No, Mom, we shancs.
about 3 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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I'll say this for Michael Jackson: He may be a dead pederast but goddamn if he can't revive a dance floor.
about 3 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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All the old people now race-shuffling to the dance floor to lean on one another for the Righteous Brothers' 'Unchained Melody'.
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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Of course everyone is dancing to pop country shit and then the dance floor empties for Hank Williams. JUST LEAVE THE BOTTLE OF CHARD THANKS
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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I'm almost tanked enough to request that the wedding DJ play Danzig's 'Mother'. Lemme hit that Chardonnay again.
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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There's always one couple at a wedding reception who dances just a bit too passionately, as if to say: HEY. HEY. WE'RE NEXT.
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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Mmm, strong notes of banana in this Chardonnay. Wait a minute... there's a goddamn banana in my Chardonnay.
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Perhaps you'll feel more comfortable wearing this... *gestures to row of home team jerseys*
about 13 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to biorhythmist
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A blended margarita? Yes, right away, sir. May I take your backwards baseball cap?
about 14 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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The shower curtain in this Motel 6 just hit my leg and set me back 4 or 5 showers.
about 14 hours ago
via Twitter for Android
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@ Gurl you know I ain't.
6:29 PM Jun 1st
via Twitter for iPhone
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Anyone who utters one complaint about driving in L.A. should be sentenced to drive in Dallas for 10 minutes.
4:51 PM Jun 1st
via Twitter for iPhone
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The funniest person on Instagram and the best butt on Twitter @
11:52 AM Jun 1st
via Twitter for iPhone
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Here's @'s short film from Sundance, definitely worth 15 minutes of your work day.
10:59 AM Jun 1st
via web
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"Have you ever met someone you just instantly hated?" -My dad, not even referencing anyone in particular.
10:18 AM Jun 1st
via Twitter for iPhone
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“@: I learned that when the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders reach age 26 they turn them into Italian sausage. Delicious but :(”
8:38 AM Jun 1st
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Literally nothing!!!
6:45 PM May 31st
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to NKQualtieri
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My little brother just got his M.D. and P.h.D! In related news,I smuggled lots of food from the reception in the hand-sewn pouch in my pants
6:39 PM May 31st
via Twitter for iPhone
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- Name Andrew O.
- Location Denver
- Web http://www.fiveun...
- Bio Life lover, served with a restraining order by Life.
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