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TheBestQuotes

  1. @Tribute2Michael check it out and retweet 7:02 PM Jun 25th from web
  2. This isn't Burger King, you can't have it your way. 10:28 PM Jun 16th from web
  3. Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!" 10:28 PM Jun 16th from web
  4. If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie. 10:27 PM Jun 16th from web
  5. Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave. 10:27 PM Jun 16th from web
  6. Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls. 10:27 PM Jun 16th from web
  7. My favorite poem is the one that starts "Thirty days have September" because it actually tells you something. 10:26 PM Jun 16th from web
  8. -Roan Rivers 10:25 PM Jun 16th from web
  9. I blame my mom 4 my poor sexlife. All she told me was 'the boy goes on top n the girl underneath.' 4 3 yrs my husband n I slept in bunkbeds. 10:25 PM Jun 16th from web
  10. Ellen DeGeneres - I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. 10:24 PM Jun 16th from web
  11. Don't knock the weather; 90% of the human population couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. -Kin Hubbard 1:28 AM Jun 14th from web
  12. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.- Jimmy Carter 1:27 AM Jun 14th from web
  13. It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her.- W.C. Fields 1:24 AM Jun 14th from web
  14. "Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent." 10:58 PM Jun 10th from web
  15. "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.- Rodney Dangerfield 10:55 PM Jun 10th from web
  16. "Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." 10:54 PM Jun 10th from web
  17. Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. -Jerry Seinfeld 1:45 PM Jun 3rd from web
  18. A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. -Jerry Seinfeld 1:44 PM Jun 3rd from web
  19. Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. -Bill Cosby 1:42 PM Jun 3rd from web
  20. I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. - Mitch Hedberg 1:40 PM Jun 3rd from web
  • Name The Best Quotes
  • Bio We bring you the best, worst, funniest and most inspiring Quotes ever uttered.
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