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Telesticles

  1. Just played with the Blackberry Bold 9700. Really like the telegraph application and the Morse code dictionary on that fucking piece of shit 13 minutes ago from web
  2. There's nothing like having a roommate obsessed w/ 1st-person-shooters when you have a head cold. Fuck you, you douchebag meathead asshole. 27 minutes ago from web
  3. @WhoaImBrutal I approve of your mockery of my generally negative disposition. But I'd probably end up breaking the CDs in half. about 2 hours ago from twidroid in reply to WhoaImBrutal
  4. To the asshole in this bar wearing the feather headdress: all I wanted was to have a beer in peace. Thanks for fucking it all up. 8:36 PM Nov 26th from twidroid
  5. @RekaG I approve. 2:38 PM Nov 26th from twidroid in reply to RekaG
  6. To people with multiple stories about injuries from crossing their legs: don't fucking bother me with that shit. 1:55 PM Nov 26th from twidroid
  7. Oh let me check out all the douchey shit my Facebook friends have posted today. Commence self-flagellation. 1:39 PM Nov 26th from twidroid
  8. RT @CynicalNihilist My philosophy in life is quite simple. If you rain on my parade I will shit on your lawn. 12:03 PM Nov 26th from twidroid
  9. @writrightwrote Heh, I don't know about the flower. I could get along with a cactus, probably. 11:20 AM Nov 26th from twidroid in reply to writrightwrote
  10. ATTN NFL: Could you make the halftime show a little more gay please? I don't feel like I'm being raped in the ass hard enough. 11:17 AM Nov 26th from twidroid
  11. My cousin's boyfriend is the saggiest person I've ever seen. It's as if gravity is twice as strong for his ugly ass. 11:13 AM Nov 26th from twidroid
  12. No, I am not fucking passing you anything. Stop being a pussy and reach for the potatoes yourself, you lazy fucks. 11:01 AM Nov 26th from twidroid
  13. Fucking shoot me now. 10:50 AM Nov 26th from twidroid
  14. @TheUserPool Heh, the weak-ass bar drinks here are slowing me down. The battle shall continue. 10:06 PM Nov 25th from twidroid in reply to TheUserPool
  15. @TheUserPool I'm 5 gins in, but currently at a bar, so no control over drink strength. This seems equal footing to me. 9:13 PM Nov 25th from twidroid in reply to TheUserPool
  16. @TheUserPool I am only drinking gin. Race? 8:55 PM Nov 25th from twidroid in reply to TheUserPool
  17. Motherfucking Facebook app. I just inadvertently liked something a fat person said. 8:54 PM Nov 25th from twidroid
  18. Thanks to technology, I get 4 notifications when I get a new voicemail. But thanks to me, I still don't return the call. 5:51 PM Nov 25th from twidroid
  19. iPhone fanboy: "You have to press a hard key and go into a menu to search your contacts." Didn't notice the quicknav tab, did you, shitbum? 4:11 PM Nov 25th from web
  20. I'm glad I gave up a career as a Victorian scholar to write fucking corporate blog posts at 7pm the day before a holiday. 3:52 PM Nov 25th from web