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THEDaveCoulier

  1. To the batshit insane, please keep eating people. This zombie craze is awesome. about 20 hours ago via web
  2. I tried hypnosis to find my deep-seated fear of clowns but I don't think it HOLY SHIT BOZO TOUCHED MY BUTTHOLE WHEN I WAS 5 2:44 PM Jun 1st via web
  3. I don't care what they say, the first guy that milked a cow and drank it was a pervert. 2:34 PM Jun 1st via web
  4. Dear Asians with blue eyes and blond hair: you're not fooling anyone. 1:53 PM Jun 1st via web
  5. I know it says to call a doctor if my erection lasts more than 4 hours, but fuck that. I'm calling all my exes, starting with @morissette 1:20 PM Jun 1st via web
  6. Looking for a way to make incest sound more fun? Call it "Aunts in Your Pants!" 12:48 PM Jun 1st via web
  7. My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure it will someday. 12:24 PM Jun 1st via web
  8. My wife's been talking about wanting another baby but when I brought one home today, she totally FREAKED OUT! There's just no pleasing her. 12:13 PM Jun 1st via web
  9. Maybe the Nazis wouldn't have been such assholes if they hadn't been left hanging for their high fives all the time. 11:53 AM Jun 1st via web
  10. If you don't know the difference between "there," "their," and "they're," your a moron. 11:42 AM Jun 1st via web
  11. NEWS FLASH: Depression revealed as major cause of terrorism; TSA to start screening emotional baggage. 11:06 AM Jun 1st via web
  12. You can tell a lot about a person by reading her emails. 10:44 AM Jun 1st via web
  13. I think it's important to remember that woman aren't sex objects; women are sex people. 10:17 AM Jun 1st via web
  14. Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme euphoria" 10:12 AM Jun 1st via web
  15. The only "B" word you should call a woman is beautiful. Bitches love to be called beautiful. 10:04 AM May 31st via web
  16. Just saw an obese woman driving a Honda Fit. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? 9:47 AM May 31st via web
  17. I'm always willing to offer moral support, but I should probably warn you that I have questionable morals. 5:44 PM May 30th via web
  18. I haven't seen any statuses about Ninjas lately. Well played, Ninjas, well played. 5:42 PM May 30th via web
  19. @Alexis_Texas You seem like a sweet person. Mind if I lick you to find out? 5:38 PM May 30th via web
  20. I don't care how old you are, when you see a balloon about to hit the floor, you dive to stop that shit 5:32 PM May 30th via web