TFLN
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(970): poinked my lawyers daughter in his hottub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
about 5 hours ago
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(818): Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
about 7 hours ago
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(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
2:28 PM Nov 22nd
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(512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
11:59 AM Nov 22nd
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(202): Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
5:06 PM Nov 21st
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(757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
8:53 AM Nov 20th
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(518): just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
11:06 AM Nov 19th
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(914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
10:12 AM Nov 19th
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(305): Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
11:03 AM Nov 18th
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(716): angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
6:39 AM Nov 18th
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(912): I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
4:11 PM Nov 17th
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(206): I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
9:57 AM Nov 17th
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(303): he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
12:00 PM Nov 15th
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(607): i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
2:04 PM Nov 14th
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(901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
10:30 AM Nov 13th
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(214): I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
5:18 PM Nov 12th
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(401): I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
5:18 PM Nov 12th
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(267): there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
10:06 AM Nov 12th
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(814): Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
4:39 PM Nov 11th
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(315): i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
12:06 PM Nov 11th
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- Name TXTS FROM LAST NIGHT
- Location anywhere with cell service
- Web http://textsfroml...
- Bio remember that text that you shouldn't have sent last night? we do.
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