StillDrew
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Guy just told me, "I can't be racist. I coach basketball." That must be the new "Some of my best friends are black." Good to know.
about 16 hours ago
from Twitterrific
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Somehow it's tomorrow. WTF?
1:15 AM Nov 28th
from Twitterrific
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Four guys here in identical black jackets. Going to ask them if they're in a band or a cult. I could be a groupie or a sacrifice.
7:15 PM Nov 27th
from Twitterrific
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Friend just had a baby girl. Named her Piper. When do you think it's a good time to play my "Piper? I didn't even know her!" joke? I'll wait
4:21 PM Nov 27th
from Twitterrific
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If perchance I should meet the creators of that dancing/rapping Gap commercial, I will take special joy in beating them near to death.
12:58 PM Nov 27th
from Twitterrific
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Watching my best friend work for ass he's never going to get. I'd warn him but laughing at him now is a better plan.
9:59 PM Nov 26th
from txt
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Unsalted butter is the kryptonite of any Thanksgiving dinner table.
3:51 PM Nov 26th
from Twitterrific
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It's when I enter the ladies restroom and have to put the seat down that I think I may have entered the wrong bar.
9:15 PM Nov 25th
from txt
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It is dangerously close to dance on the bar o'clock.
8:36 PM Nov 25th
from txt
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I am thankful for all of you funny bastards.
And beer.
7:00 PM Nov 25th
from txt
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I asked my mom for recommendations on ways to save money. She suggested I drink less.
Anyone know of any good nursing homes?
12:00 PM Nov 25th
from Twitterrific
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“I’d like the Veggie Sub with bacon.”
“We’re vegetarians. We don’t sell meat products.”
“Oh. No worries. I keep spare bacon in my purse.”
8:39 AM Nov 25th
from web
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If you're going to a meeting and are really excited about the discourse and healthy debate, trust me on this: they all hate you.
6:44 AM Nov 25th
from Twitterrific
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I went back in time and accidentally killed the guy that invented the flying car. My bad.
5:42 PM Nov 24th
from Twitterrific
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There’s no better way to end a mind-numbing conversation than driving through a tunnel. I wish we had more tunnels in my office.
12:55 PM Nov 24th
from web
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If who you know knows you’re stupid, then I think what you know may count a little, don't you?
10:49 AM Nov 24th
from web
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Have a friend who rants about the evils of texting. Did I say have? I meant had. She won’t talk to me after she escapes from the trunk.
7:36 AM Nov 24th
from web
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I wrote a song about the people in this meeting. First verse: “Die and leave me in peace.” And the chorus: “I mean it.” This may go platinum
10:58 AM Nov 23rd
from web
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Seeking volunteer opportunity for the holidays that won’t cost me money or time.
Got it! Sending poor people good thoughts. Helping is hard
7:49 AM Nov 23rd
from web
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So it was this morning while I was counting my toes that I came to a startling revelation: I'm still drunk.
1:02 PM Nov 22nd
from Twitterrific
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- Name Drew H
- Location Richmond, Virginia
- Web http://favstar.fm...
- Bio ...and then before I knew it I had awesome all over me. I'm never going to get this out.
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