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StephenAtHome

  1. it's almost thanksgiving, so let me be the first to say, "you're welcome"
  2. little known fact: after the pilgrims ate, they would loosen the buckles on their hats
  3. it was a huge honor to sing with elvis costello, unless that was one of those elvis costello impersonators
  4. i bet those black lotto tickets have an even classier sheen when they're coated with human tears
  5. ak-47 notwithstanding, i'm no fan of russia. i don't trust a country whose women nest inside of each other
  6. why is everyone so afraid of mayan calendar predictions? they certainly failed to predict that they'd die out in the 9th century
  7. They made sarah palin go on those shopping sprees. If it were up to her, that money would have been spent on hardtack and elk jerky
  8. palin's book seems interesting but she misspelled "rouge" and "gong"
  9. you can simulate the effect of eating an eggo by pouring syrup on a subway grate then licking till you're full.
  10. beauty is only skin deep, which is why i insist my plastic surgeon scrape me to the bone
  11. I live every day as if it were Taco Tuesday
  12. kids who don't want to be child laborers are nothing more than artful work-dodgers
  13. what's wrong with child labor? if you ask me it's about time these lazy babies started coughing up rent and food money
  14. they found water on the moon. either that, or we finally made the moon cry
  15. of course we should outlaw gay funerals. it's "bringing in the sheaves" not "bringing in the steves"
  16. did you know a gesture can have two meanings? i.e. in japan bowing is a sign of respect but in the U.S. it's a sign of a weak president
  17. just five more days until sarah palin's book comes out. it's 432 pages, but i'm guessing there's a lot of these: ;-)
  18. the balloon boy parents are expected to plead guilty... of 1st degree entertainment!
  19. i can't believe we're facing an ammunition shortage right when we're facing a surplus of things i want to shoot at
  20. vaya con dios, lou dobbs. wait, i should probably rephrase that