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Spiegelmania

  1. You know what's really sick? Bath pepper.
  2. Scientist #1: This bath lacks flavor. // Scientist #2: I've invented bath salt. // Scientist #1: Gr8, let's sniff it. // Scientists: Aargh!
  3. Teenagers, putting salt in your bath is a drug.
  4. What ever happened to the blue pill from the first Matrix? Did a grip pocket it?
  5. My irony is endearing.
  6. I was into J.D. Salinger's "9 Stories" back when it was called "8 Stories and A Rough Idea for Another Story."
  7. @mimazing @ivan_hernandez I was actually going to ask you Mimi to never retweet Courtney Stodden in my tweetline again.
  8. I just fried up bacon but am out of paper towels. What should I use instead? Toilet paper? Coffee filters?
  9. @JaneHaze Miss you, Jane!
  10. I can't hang out inside buildings built before 1900. That is just not my thing.
  11. Me: Don't look up. // 4-Year-Old: (Looks up) I lost. I like this game!
  12. Think positive. For example I call "donuts" "willdos."
  13. Me: This can be a tree. 4-Year-Old: Yeah, dogs can poop on it.
  14. Nobody on Mexican radio has ever heard of Wall of Voodoo.
  15. I complain about Lost's Matthew Fox all the time but no one retweets me.