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smartasshat

Modern grooming habits have blessed us with a new, more precise colloquial measurement standard: Cunt stubble.about 10 hours ago from web
@Moltz Leave it to that bimbo to pad her word count by 50%.about 11 hours ago from web in reply to Moltz
Sarah Palin made history again with the first-ever three-word op-ed piece in the Washington Post, on the subject of America's energy policy.about 14 hours ago from web
@Tony_D Nice snatch.about 16 hours ago from web in reply to Tony_D
*Tallon Reportedly Fired As Blackhawks GM* Someone finally did a spell-check and realized he WASN'T perfect for the job.about 16 hours ago from web
In this era of digital broadcasting, can't we please have a sub-channel for a Shaffer-free Letterman show? PLEASE!about 17 hours ago from web
126.35 Miles. #saveferrisabout 18 hours ago from Tweetie
@seanhussey @tj JIMMIES FOREVAH! SPRINKLES NEVAH! (Wicked pissa!)4:10 PM Jul 13th from Hahlo
@communicatrix Sure, he ran Jasper with an iron fist after the events of "Roadhouse," but it's a little much to call Patrick Swayze a despot7:05 AM Jul 13th from web in reply to communicatrix
Superhero cohabitation never works out. Lance has had it up to HERE with the goldfish always taking Aquaman's side.5:13 PM Jul 11th from web
Superhero cohabitation never works out. The last straw for Lois Lane: All the nuts precision-dug out of the Rocky Road. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.12:48 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
@poeks But... But... That's a show about lesbians getting it on... OOOOHHHH! I seeee! Ha. Heh heh. Right.10:18 PM Jul 10th from Tweetie in reply to poeks
@kellydeal OOOO! It's so exotíque there! We just have combination KFC / Taco Bells here. JEALOUS!8:54 PM Jul 10th from Tweetie in reply to kellydeal
@brittneyg The execution of that ad smacks of focus group so much, I'd like to focus on group-smacking the executives who okayed that ad.8:45 PM Jul 10th from Tweetie in reply to brittneyg
@MamitaMojita I don't usually eat popcorn, but in this case I'd make an exception.6:00 PM Jul 10th from web in reply to MamitaMojita
@sween Farts are just shit honking for the right-of-way.8:12 AM Jul 10th from web in reply to sween
"I'll be back." #1stdraftmovielines (Really, that WAS the 1st draft.)6:24 PM Jul 9th from Tweetie
"Ferris Bueller's Floating Holiday" #delayedsequels5:28 PM Jul 9th from Tweetie
Jesus will need a driver for the Second Coming. His blood-alcohol level is 150 times the legal limit. He'll be fuckin' COCKED!5:03 PM Jul 9th from web
Ask not "Who killed the Kennedys?". Ask "Who did the Kennedys kill?". (HINT: It was Mary Jo Kopechne.)10:46 AM Jul 9th from web

Name ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs
Location Tehran
Bio These are the voyages of the Starship Euphemize. Its 5 yr mission: To explore strange new words, to seek out new jokes and new implications.