shitmydadsays
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“We’re banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it’s okay to hump, and it’s okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out."
about 10 hours ago
from web
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"No. Tell 'em we're not doing Christmas dinner at a casino... Don't be an ass about it, but tell them why it's a fucking stupid idea."
12:59 PM Nov 18th
from web
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"I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving shit."
11:00 AM Nov 16th
from web
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"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching."
11:26 AM Nov 13th
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"Remember this: you're just a lucky fucking guy. If people start telling you your dick looks bigger, remember that it's not."
11:22 AM Nov 10th
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"You look just like Stephen Hawking...Relax, I meant like a non-paralyzed version of him. Feel better?... Fine. Forget I said it."
1:36 PM Nov 9th
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"Mom and I saw a great movie last night...No, don't remember the name. It was about a guy or, no, wait.. fuck, getting old sucks."
12:30 PM Nov 7th
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"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."
10:40 AM Nov 4th
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"I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away."
11:27 AM Nov 3rd
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"Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."
8:44 AM Nov 1st
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"Nobody is that important. They eat, shit, and screw, just like you. Maybe not shit like you, you got those stomach problems."
9:11 AM Oct 29th
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"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."
12:39 PM Oct 28th
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"If mom calls, tell her I'm shitting... Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit."
9:46 AM Oct 26th
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"I need to change clothes? Wow. That's big talk coming from someone who looks like they robbed a Mervyn's."
1:43 PM Oct 24th
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"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."
9:51 AM Oct 22nd
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"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."
10:53 AM Oct 20th
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"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."
12:59 PM Oct 18th
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"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that."
10:11 AM Oct 16th
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"Remember how you used to make fun of me for being bald?...No, I'm not gonna make a joke. I'll let your mirror do that."
9:15 AM Oct 14th
from web
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"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."
9:10 AM Oct 12th
from web
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- Name Justin
- Bio I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says
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